On December 21st of this year, my bride and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. Since then I’ve pondered reasons why, by God’s grace, we’ve survived, even thrived all these years. I wondered if I could articulate as many lessons learned or being learned as years. Here’s what I came up with.
- Believe the gospel for yourself AND about your spouse.
- Love your spouse more by loving him/her less than Jesus.
- Believe the best of your spouse as a saint.
- Suspect the worst of yourself as a sinner.
- Repent of sin quickly.
- Use the words “Will you forgive me?”
- Use the words “Of course I forgive you.”
- Forgive 70 x 7.
- Patience, patience, patience.
- Listen attentively.
- Ask questions to draw out the heart.
- Avoid judging with broad-sweeping statements; speak the truth in love.
- Peacemake, don’t peacebreak, or peacefake.
- Get mediation help/counseling if necessary.
- Prize oneness highly.
- Wait until you’re on the same page the bigger the decision.
- Pray for one another.
- Pray with one another.
- Read the Bible together.
- Read good books on marriage and other topics together.
- Limit TV and other forms of digital entertainment time.
- Converse with one another.
- Defer to one another – A LOT.
- Kiss each other good morning, goodbye, hello, and good night.
- Go to bed at the same time.
- Give conjugal rights freely.
- Go to church together.
- Be a part of a gospel community together (small group).
- Serve others inside and outside the church together.
- Practice hospitality.
- Keep good boundaries with extended family and in-laws.
- Never demean one another in front of others.
- Never raise your voice to one another.
- Share everything together.
- Eliminate the “D” word from your vocabulary altogether.
- Stay in touch with each other throughout the day, especially when travelling apart.
- Date each other; take walks together.
- Get away from the normal routine together, if and when you can.
- Always look for the next lesson God will teach you.
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