Category Archives: Personal Reflection

Blessed By Boldness

March 24, 2012 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

A neighborhood book club simpatico insisted that I just had to read Ken Follet’s Pillars of the Earth.

Set in medieval times it tells the long tale (just short of a thousand pages) of the building of a cathedral and all that entailed.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I have found it an interesting read, particularly as OGC closes in on the completion of its facility. I am thankful we haven’t undertaken the construction of a vast stone cathedral!

I also find myself grateful not to have lived in such difficult times in human history. No need for details. But one lesson has stood out in my reading that made me feel very blessed.

The main character, Prior Philip, finds himself at points dependent upon King Stephen for his benevolence in order to finance the building of the cathedral. Follet does a good job of drawing the reader into the angst of the Catholic priest, particularly at one point, where he must wait for the king at court to acknowledge him and invite him into his presence to present his petitions. He does not. Philip goes away grossly disappointed.

I found myself enormously grateful that God doesn’t treat His “subjects” that way. Because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross, we have bold access anytime we wish to approach the throne of grace to find help for our time of need (Heb. 4:16).

The blessedness of this boldness in Christ before God the high King of heaven came into even greater perspective as I read a passage this week from Puritan Richard Sibbes’ brilliant treatise on 2 Cor. 3:18 entitled Glorious Freedom:

We see the glory of God with boldness in the gospel. We have boldness and access to God through Christ by the Spirit . . . . Christ by his Spirit takes us by the hand and leads us to his Father. God is not now terrifying to us but in Christ, God’s nature is fatherly and sweet to us. We may boldly lay open our souls in prayer and bring all our complaints before him as to a Father. We do not come as malefactors to a judge or as slaves to a lord, but as children to father, as a wife to her spouse. The gospel by shining upon us takes away a spirit of fear and bondage. The more we see Christ, and the more love, the less fear. The more we see the grace of God in Christ, the spirit of fear is diminished and replaced by a spirit of love and boldness. Grace presents to us in Christ full satisfaction to divine justice. When we offer Christ to the Father whom he has sent and sealed for us, God cannot refuse a Saviour of his own sending, sealing and appointing. It is a marvelous privilege that we see God clearly in the gospel, with open faces, with a spirit of boldness, the veil of ignorance being taken away.

Blessed boldness that comes from the gospel.

Be gone spirit of fear and bondage.

We come to a heavenly Father ever sweet in Christ.

A Truth for Fighting Promise Envy

March 8, 2012 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

I must confess. I felt a twinge of envy last Sunday. As Scott worked his way through Genesis 15, verse 15 got my attention. There God promises Abram this: you shall be buried in a good old age. I immediately wondered if, among all the other stupendous promises Moses received from the Lord with that fascinating cutting of the covenant experience, he really appreciated that one very much. Did he sigh with relief that he didn’t have to worry about a premature demise and all the issues related to not living out a full length of days? I wonder.

I envy him for that promise. I do especially on this day, the seventh anniversary of my five-hour long surgery to remove cancer from my tongue, the month-long recuperation that followed, and ultimately the summer-long treatment process I endured. Those memories on top of attending three funerals in the last couple of weeks of men all of whom died in their fifties have me thinking much about the brevity of life and the lack of guarantee anyone has that tomorrow won’t be his last.

The truth I bring to bear on my fight with envy comes from Psalm 116:15. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. The Psalmist wrote this on the heels of some great deliverance that snatched him from the jaws of death. He concluded that for the believer God regards the precise timing of his death, whether in the prime of life or a ripe old age, as precious. The Hebrew word means weighty, valuable, or costly as in the price of a precious stone. In other words, it’s no insignificant thing in God’s eyes. It matters immensely when He takes one of His own out of this world to his home in the next.

So as I ponder God’s goodness today in giving me seven more years of service for Him that I might not otherwise have enjoyed, I choose to fight the envy of Moses who likely dismissed worry about an early demise with confidence in God who regards my/our termination so supremely significant that there will be nothing in the least untimely about it.

A Bitter Better

February 22, 2012 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

For the second time in less than a week I will go to a house of mourning tomorrow. I will officiate at the funeral of a brother in Christ and member of my church for the last several years. We have shared a lot in common the last eighteen months as cancer victims experiencing the various forms of treatment and the war stories that result.

That’s another blog post. This post concerns my fortune to attend two funerals in so short a span of time. I say fortune because of the wise words of King Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7:2-4.

It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

It may well be a bitter better but better it is just the same to attend a memorial service than a wedding celebration or a birthday party. Why is that? Because funerals, uncomfortable as they are to our live-for-the-moment, eat-drink-and-be-merry culture, focus our attention on the one great universal inevitability. This is the end of all mankind. Everyone has the same appointment. No one escapes his destiny with the valley of the shadow, the last enemy, death. Furthermore houses of mourning point us to the brevity of life, the mist-like nature of our existence that is here today and gone tomorrow (James 4:14).

Unlike parties, houses of mirth, that play to levity and the thrill of the moment, funerals focus you on the inevitability of the ultimate and the gravity of the life to come. They can teach us to pray as Moses did in Psalm 90:12 – teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

A heart of wisdom lets the sadness of mortality and the certainty of death lead one to the joy of immortality through the hope of the gospel that the One who both frequented wedding celebrations (John 2) and visited cemeteries (John 11) triumphed over death and will raise from the grave all who belong to Him by faith.

A Season of Marathons

January 18, 2012 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , , 6 Comments

I received this earlier this week from Jared Combs (new member at OGC) with a little help from Jillian Groeneveld:

I’m not much of a writer, so Jill has agreed to help me with this article. The Lord has spoken so many priceless things to me recently so this is my attempt at jotting them down.  As I ran the Disney marathon a few weeks ago and then reflected on it, I started seeing the symbolism between the journey of a marathon and the season of life I’m in these days. [It’s not like I was hurting for time to reflect as I ran 26.2 miles over a period of 6 hours!]  The message wasn’t complex but simply fitting for where I am right now.

In 2005, as a freshman at Flagler College we took a class trip to Disney’s Magic Kingdom as part of the Orientation week. It was my first week at college and my drug and alcohol addiction was already gaining speed. I woke up around 5:30 a.m. to begin drinking liquor so that when I got on the bus at 6:30 a.m. to make the journey from St. Augustine to Orlando I would already be drunk. I brought along a bag of cocaine and a couple of marijuana joints that I had rolled the night before. We arrived and I felt that I was the life of the party trying to fill a void inside with alcohol, drugs, the acceptance of my peers, and girls. A few hours went by and as my buzz from alcohol wore off, I went into a bathroom and used a little over $100 worth of cocaine with a so called “buddy” of mine. Later as we came down from the coke we returned to the bathroom to smoke the joints to relieve any feelings of withdrawal that came after the coke high.

On January 8, 2012 I awoke at 2:30 a.m. to take a shower and get ready for the Disney Marathon. I had been running for a little more than 5 months, and after completing a half marathon with my fiancé Jillian about a month earlier, we were off to run our first full marathon. There might not be a better place then Disney to do it! We took off with 21,000 other people on this daunting task to finish what, as legends hold, killed a man named Pheidippides in the first century in Athens, Greece. Jillian and I saw my parents at the castle as we ran through Magic Kingdom at mile 10. [Mom & Dad faithfully drove us to the race, cheered us on, and brought us home as we whined!]  Shortly after seeing their faces, we ran through the rest of Magic Kingdom. I hadn’t thought about that day in 2005 in a long while, but before reaching mile 11, we came around a corner and directly in front of us was that same bathroom I got high in over 7 years ago.

It all flashed through my head! The death and destruction of my addiction, how far the Lord has brought me as I celebrate the sixth year of my sobriety the day before our wedding (April 14!), the fact I was running next to my wife-to-be, and how God has blessed me with a purpose to reach other addicts. It’s amazing to be reminded that God is in the redemption business even if it’s through an experience in a bathroom at a theme park.

The larger symbolic message the Lord spoke to me through the marathon concerns the season of life I am in. I have been a great sprinter my whole life and we’re not talking about athletics. I believe John Maxwell said, “My gifts and abilities can take me farther than my character can hold me.” This has proven true repeatedly throughout my life as I have battled addiction, pain, severe loss, sin, and numerous decisions that have caused me to form Ishmael’s in my life. But now I’m in a new season – a season of sustained and focused strength as I look to the Lord, or try to look to Him, more than Jared. It’s a season where I don’t sprint only to fall short of the race God has called me to. Instead it’s a race like a marathon that goes the distance because I’m not running alone anymore – Christ is hand-in-hand with me! He has surrounded me with godly brothers to help me with this, but even more significantly He has provided a wife! This will be unlike any other relationship I have ever had. It won’t be short; I won’t quit before obtaining the goal; injury won’t occur like in the past; and I’m not running alone. Jillian and I have trained together for a race of 26.2 miles, but that is only one of the marathons we will run together. We are embarking on marriage and the rest of our lives. Placing all confidence in Christ, we will finish strong and together!

Vacation – Hunting, Fishing, & READING

October 22, 2011 By in Personal Reflection, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Though I spent numerous hours tracking wild game and fishing deep waters these past two weeks, I also managed a fair amount of redemptive reading time. Though I don’t rival Mark Dever in his book devouring pace (nor, I admit, do I wish to!), I do relish the prospect of using time away for tackling reading material in a sustained and concentrated fashion that downtime allows.

I actually got to read through nearly all of the current issue of Christianity Today. I particularly enjoyed the article by the late John R. W. Stott entitled, Salt and Light: Four Ways Christians Can Influence the World. A favorite quote from that piece? Christians are sober-minded, biblical realists, who have a balanced doctrine of creation for redemption and consummation. We are not powerless. Stott’s article offered some helpful push back to Gilbert and DeYoung’s new book and a tinge of pessimism therein. More on that later in this post.

For leisure reading I thoroughly enjoyed Kathryn Stockett’s book, now a hit movie, The Help. I suggested this read for my neighborhood book club’s November meeting. It tells the tale of a woman who anonymously writes the account of several black maids working as servants of whites in Jackson, Mississippi homes during the awakening civil rights movement. Stockett writes with much pathos and humor. I quickly saw why it became a bestseller. A favorite quote from it? Hilly hands out lies like the Presbyterians hand out guilt. Not that Reformed Baptists aren’t capable of the same.

I took two ministry-related works with me. After our last joint leadership team meeting, particularly its marathon length, I wondered if our approach to board meetings needed some tweaking. I recalled a book in my library by Alexander Strauch I read some time ago, Meetings That Work: A Guide to Effective Elders’ Meetings. I pulled it from the shelf and determined to give it another slow going over asking the Lord for direction in how to serve better my fellow leaders in making the most of our meeting times together. Lord willing, some of the fruit of that will show in crafting the agenda for this Thursday night’s meeting. A pearl from Strauch? An eldership team that is solely work-oriented is imbalanced. It is missing out on loving relationships, a key element of a healthy church leadership team.

The other ministry related book I determined to camp out in I mentioned earlier in this post. Kevin DeYoung and Greg Gilbert recently published a timely work called What Is the Mission of the Church? Making Sense of Social Justice, Shalom, and the Great Commission. These men do a great job of interacting with the current debate over the nature of the mission of the church particularly as it pertains to mercy ministry and good works in the culture. My earlier remark about the tinge of pessimism (a function of their eschatology if I guess correctly) notwithstanding, I found this book very helpful in sorting through some very practical questions about discipleship and to what extent the church should take part in mercy ministry toward advancing the gospel in the world. The rub according to DeYoung and Gilbert? In a world of finite resources and limited time the church cannot do everything. We will not be effective in our mission if everything is mission. I am really glad I bought a bunch of these for $5 each when I had the chance and got to put them into the hands of some friends of mine. What a steal!

Finally, Nancy and I kept pace with our growth group homework by reading through lesson one in our How People Change work book. One of the best things about our Idaho retreats is our unhurried times of reading, conversing, and praying together as a married couple. A favorite tidbit from our friends Lane and Tripp? Christianity’s change process does not revolve around a system of redemption but around the Person who redeems.

It’s good to be home. I’m looking forward to bringing the word tomorrow in 1 Peter 5:5. But I am grateful for the respite, physically, mentally and spiritually. Thanks for praying for Nancy and me these past two weeks.

59 and ???

September 19, 2011 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

It started in ’05 with my 53rd birthday. I attached to September 15 that year and every year since a little rhyming ditty to capture the spirit of another year in my life post-cancer.

Allow me to review:

  • 53 and cancer free
  • 54 and ready for more
  • 55 and staying alive (with apologies to the US government)
  • 56 and up to the same old tricks
  • 57 and not ready for heaven
  • 58 and feeling great

Normally I know well in advance what the next year’s slogan will be, but not so for my 59th. That one didn’t gel until the day before on September 14 at 6 AM in the pantry. Why then and there I have no idea. But it hit me like an all-pro linebacker tackle on a 4th and one.

59 and gospel primed.

Let me explain. Not too long ago someone came to me after I embarrassed myself in one of our services with a tirade in our announcements. This brother confessed that he walked away from that Sunday suffering from an ecclesiastical identity crisis. It took a lot of guts for this person to confront me. To be honest I reacted at first rather defensively. The more I thought about it the more the Lord convicted me that he was right! I determined then and there that I would never let that happen again if I had any say in it. Since that time I have enjoyed something of a gospel renaissance in my personal and pastoral life that I never want to lose a grip on.

Ergo this year’s saying. At every turn I want to be primed for gospel-action, preaching, counseling, obedience and to commend the same to everyone with which I come into contact.

My prayer is very much that of Scotty Smith’s:

Lord Jesus, one of the many things I cherish about the Bible is the way it robs me of my penchant for hero worship. Who but God would write a book documenting the foibles and failures of so many of his sons and daughters? Who but God would chronicle the ways his chosen leaders, like Peter, limp along and prove themselves to be in constant need of mercy and grace?

This gives me great encouragement and hope. It also gives me freedom to acknowledge that I need the gospel today just as much as the first day I believed it. This will be just as true tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Keep me convinced, Jesus, because I’m much like Peter.

It’s one thing for me to get irritated and angry about the ways this generation is downplaying your work on the cross. But it’s quite another to see the subtle ways I try to keep you from the cross. Deal with me as you dealt with Peter.

When I mute my heart to the insult of grace, I deny your cross. When I think, even for one moment, that my obedience merits anything, I deny your cross. When I put others under the microscope and measure of performance-based living, I deny your cross. When I wallow in self-contempt and shame, I deny your cross. When I’d rather do penance than repent, I deny your cross.

When I gossip juicy tidbits more than I gossip the gospel, I deny your cross. When I pout more than I praise; when I show more fear than faith; when I want to be right more than I want to be righteous, I deny your cross. When I talk about people more than I pray for the same people, I deny your cross. When my grip on grudges is tighter than my grasp of the gospel, I deny your cross.

By the gospel, help me to mind the things of God more than the things of men. May your cross get bigger, and may my boast in it grow louder. Jesus, you’re the main hero in the Bible. The rest of us are totally dependent on you. That’s never going to change. I need fresh grace today. So very Amen I pray, in your patient and persistent name.

What he prayed.

Only 361 days until I turn sixty. For every day God gives me may they know fresh grace and gospel power for God’s glory, my joy, and the joy of those who attach themselves to my so often flesh-compromised ministry.

American Caesar's Fatal Flaw

February 10, 2011 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , 3 Comments

Significant Christian leaders have referenced William Manchester’s bestselling biography of General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964), American Caesar, among the most influential books of that genre a godly man might want to read.

Recently I picked up a copy to tackle for my neighborhood book club choose-your-own-biography night. I was not disappointed.

Prior to reading this nearly 800 page tome, all I knew about MacArthur I learned from watching Mash reruns on TV. Few generals have distinguished themselves in terms of military accomplishments like MacArthur did in the Pacific theater in WWII and the Korean conflict. I took notes as I read on the man’s numerous virtues as a leader, everything from bodacious courage to strategic planning.

But the biggest lesson learned from this read had to do with the man’s fatal flaw, his ultimate undoing. I will let Manchester explain:

Probably no other commander in chief relished the spotlight so much or enjoyed applause more. In a word, he was vain. Like every other creature of vanity, he convinced himself that his drives were in fact selfless. . . . What Douglas MacArthur believed in most was Douglas MacArthur. . . . The yearning for adulation was his great flaw. He had others, notably mendacity and overoptimism, based on his conviction that he was a man of destiny, which repeatedly led him to announce “mopping-up” operations before battles had been won. . . . But it was his manifest self-regard, his complete lack of humility, which lay like a deep fissure at his very core. In the end it split wide open and destroyed him ( p. 9).

Little wonder. The Bible says in Prov. 16:18, Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Now I am no MacArthur nor son of  a MacArthur, but I fight the temptation to relish the spotlight and enjoy applause. I wasn’t a theater major for nothing in my undergraduate, pre-Christian days. And God help me, I can love adulation way more than I should.

Douglas MacArthur’s legacy of hubris serves as a good reminder to me to embrace the words of the prophet Micah, which a young, budding preacher/church planter recently reminded me of: He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God (6:8, emphasis added).

Are you guarding your heart from the fatal flaw of the American Caesar?

Day Off Good Word

December 17, 2010 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , 2 Comments

Today’s good word on PC’s day off comes from Octavius Winslow and his devotional entitled Morning Thoughts.

God never appears so like Himself as when He sits in judgment upon the person of a sinner, and determines his standing before Him upon the ground of that satisfaction to His law rendered by the Son of God in the room and stead of the guilty. Then does He appear infinitely holy, yet infinitely gracious; infinitely just, yet infinitely merciful. Love, as if it had long been panting for an outlet, now leaps forth and embraces the sinner; while justice, holiness, and truth gaze upon the wondrous spectacle with infinite complacence and delight. And shall we not pause and bestow a thought of admiration and gratitude upon Him, who was constrained to stand in our place of degradation and woe, that we might stand in His place of righteousness and glory? What wondrous love! what stupendous grace! that He should have been willing to have taken upon Him our sin, and curse, and woe! The exchange to Him how humiliating! He could only raise us by Himself stooping. He could only emancipate us by wearing our chain. He could only deliver us from death by Himself dying. He could only invest us with the spotless robe of His pure righteousness by wrapping around Himself the leprous mantle of our sin and curse. Oh, how precious ought He to be to every believing heart! What affection, what service, what sacrifice, what devotion, He deserves at our hands! Lord, incline my heart to yield itself supremely to You!

Tomorrow we build bridges into our community through the gift wrap outreach.

For some reason I am all the more motivated to get out there with the good news in word and deed.

Will you pray for our favor with the community?

Reflections on My 38th Birthday

December 14, 2010 By in Personal Reflection, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , 11 Comments

No, I haven’t gone into denial about my age. I refer to my spiritual birthday. Thirty-eight years ago today, by God’s grace, I trusted in Jesus Christ. Due to His keeping/preserving power I have never looked back in my walk with Him.

Each year on this significant date in my journey I reflect in some way on what God has done and where He has me in my pilgrimage toward the celestial city.

It started early this morning with this Operation World entry regarding spiritual conditions in Uzbekistan:

Uzbekistan’s government relentlessly persecutes the Church. Dynamic and evangelism-oriented churches, especially Uzbek churches, are particularly targeted. Uzbek Christian leaders have extensive files on them compiled by the 14 different government agencies that monitor religious activity. Persecution tactics include: public humiliation, property seizure, book and Bible-burning, expulsion of Christian students, dismissal of Christian employees, arrests (followed by beating and torture) under the flimsiest of pretexts and massive fines for first offences [sic] (up to 50 times the annual salary), (p. 874).

Upon reading that I wondered, What if God in His sovereignty had determined that I should have lived out my days in a place like that? He could well have. Acts 17:26 teaches us this truth: And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place.

I found myself filled with gratitude for His kindness in putting me in a place like the US where free and abundant access to the gospel is more than not the norm.

From there I went to my reading in J. C. Ryle’s Holiness with this confirming thought:

How thankful we ought to be that we live in a land where the great remedy for spiritual thirst is known, in a land of open Bibles, preached gospel, and abundant means of grace, in a land where the efficacy of Christ’s sacrifice is still proclaimed, with more or less fullness, in twenty thousand pulpits every Sunday! We do not realize the value of our privileges. The very familiarity of the manna makes us think little of it, just as Israel loathed ‘the light bread’ in the wilderness (Num. 21:5). But turn to the pages of a heathen philosopher like the incomparable Plato, and see how he groped after light like one blindfolded, and wearied himself to find the door. . . . Turn to the accounts which trustworthy travelers and missionaries give of the state of the heathen who have never heard the gospel. Read of the human sacrifices in Africa, and the ghastly self–imposed tortures of the devotees of Hindostan, and remember they are all the result of an unquenched thirst and a blind and unsatisfied desire to get near to God. And then learn to be thankful that your lot is cast in a land like your own. Alas, I fear God has a controversy with us for our unthankfulness!

I have no wish for a controversy with God over anything. I am indeed thankful that my lot is cast in a land like our own.

Are you?

A Reflection on Rainbows

October 27, 2010 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

Driving out of Hell’s Canyon (of all places) the other day our fishing party came upon this stunning scene in the foothills above.

The digital photo hardly does justice to the impact upon the eyewitness.

Immediately I remembered the account in Genesis 9 of God’s covenant promise to Noah, following the great flood, never again to destroy the world by water.

8 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him, 9 “Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your offspring after you, 10 and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the livestock, and every beast of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark; it is for every beast of the earth. 11 I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” 12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: 13 I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 17 God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant that I have established between me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

I thanked the Lord quietly for that most certain promise.

Upon returning to Central Florida I got to thinking about that picture I took and this text of Scripture and did a little more digging. Turns out the rainbow image, a thing of stunning beauty to be sure, shows up again on the other end of the Bible in Rev. 4:1-3.

After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” 2 At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. 3 And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald.

Spurgeon made the connection for me by raising a question:

Is it straining the allegory, is it carrying it too far, if I close this spiritualizing by observing that the very same security which God then gave to Noah and his descendants is that security under which we stand? He gave them a Covenant—a Covenant embellished with a Divine symbol and ratified with His own signature written out in all the colors of beauty. We, too, stand under a Covenant which has its own faithful witness in Heaven, more transcendently illustrious and beautiful than the rainbow—the Person of Christ Jesus our Lord.

So the one covenant of unsurpassed beauty points to another of even greater significance, the New Covenant of Christ and His shed blood which seals the promise that we shall never perish but live forever.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine.