Spiritual Life

BEAST OR BEAUTY?

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Taming Anger by Self-Restraint


My preparation for a lifetime of pastoral ministry spanned some fifteen years of formal education. Three earned degrees profited me in many ways. But their value paled in comparison to lessons gained over greater time in the school of God’s providence. Ecclesiastes 7:14 sums up the curriculum: In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.

In my last post Schlump or Sage, I promised next to visit 1 Samuel 24-26 for insight on how God works in this way. (Please click there to read those chapters.) They form a unit where we find David—heir apparent to Israel’s throne—with God in the school of hard providence. He continually escaped King Saul’s bloodthirsty wrath on the run in the wilderness of Judah. Chapter 24 records a dramatic cave encounter where David nearly capitalized on Saul’s vulnerability—going even so far as to cut off a corner of his robe—symbolic of his kingship. But conscience-stricken he stopped short: “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’s anointed.” Lesson learned: not my prerogative, God’s. Wait for his timing. Similar training awaits David with Saul again in chapter 26:

9 But David said to Abishai, “Do not destroy him, for who can put out his hand against the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?” 10 And David said, “As the Lord lives, the Lord will strike him, or his day will come to die, or he will go down into battle and perish. 11 The Lord forbid that I should put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.

David feared God to disobey Leviticus 19:18: You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. He gets the wisdom of Proverbs 20:22: Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

At first blush, chapter 25 seems out of place. Saul shows up just once in the narrative. A different cast of characters join the story. What’s this mess with moron Nabal and rockstar Abigail all about? THE SAME LESSON! Beware the evil of bloodguilt. Check out David’s bottom line in v. 32:

32 And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand! 34 For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.”

A lesson so important as this to the man after God’s own heart warrants three long chapters to drive it home. Avoid shedding blood not yours to spill. Refuse the temptation to take matters best left up to God into your own hands. Learn to tame rage by cultivating self-restraint.

Here again is the point: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. God uses four things to shape David’s character in this conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.

A great loss (1). The text opens on an ominous note: Now Samuel died. One commentary notes: Since the days of Moses and Joshua, no man had arisen to whom the covenant nation owed so much as to Samuel, who has been justly called the reformer and restorer of the theocracy. Samuel. Last of the judges, first of the prophets. A nation mourns. Most importantly—this friend, mentor, advisor, and guide to David whom he anointed in chapter 16 is gone. Puritan Matthew Henry noted: The loss is the more grievous at this juncture when Saul has grown so outrageous and David is driven from his country; never more need of Samuel than now, yet now he is removed.

Saul had acknowledged David’s right to the throne (24:20), but David—leery of his adversary—still retreated to his stronghold (22). Samuel’s death prompts an even deeper flight south. David was likely unnerved by the development, perhaps even fearful about renewed madness from Saul. Take note. Loss can make you vulnerable. It can set you up for unbelief and leave you off your guard for temptation. God’s man would need to learn the lesson driven home multiple times to Joshua after the death of his mentor and spiritual giant, Moses: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). In adversity, consider. God makes it to transform us more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

A harsh offense (2-13). David’s request for provisions for his band of brothers smacks to 21st century readers of running a protection racket. No way. Festival times like sheep-shearing meant lavish celebration and deep-pockets Nabal partied like royalty (36). Ancient Eastern cultural sentiment regarded generous hospitality a virtue even without the kind of guardian services David’s men provided from enemy brigands that the household staff called “a wall to us night and day” (16). And the petition by the ten emissaries represented David peaceably, respectfully, and perhaps even professionally since this may have been a kind of invitation to an ongoing contractual arrangement.

Nabal doesn’t simply decline the request for aid; he insults the Lord’s anointed with utter contempt. Verse 10: And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters.  Don’t miss this. Nabal is Saul’s alter ego—a God-ordained surrogate stand-in. He even sounds like Saul—this son of Jesse. In Saul David duels with a man corrupted by power; in Nabal he feuds with a soul enslaved by wealth (11). Providence tests David’s heart as to what rules it through temptation triggered by both enemies in these 3 chapters. He passes with flying colors in 24 and 26 but nearly flunks fatally here in 25. Verse 13 says it all:

And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage. Verses 21-22 further reveal just how hijacked by rage David had become: Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”

Yikes! Who is this David and what has become of the one in 24? Matthew Henry again: If one vexation seems to be over, we must not be secure; a storm may arise from some other point. What you do with and how you react to an egregious personal offense that threatens to trigger an emotional, verbal, text-FB-email, voicemail, and/or face to face murder-in-the-heart rampage says a whole lot about who’s on the throne of your heart at any given moment—the flesh or the Spirit. Are you beast or beauty? The Lord must teach his servant the wisdom of Proverbs 16:32: Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. David acts like Saul here; he desperately needs a “David” to intercept a pending disaster of his own doing which would cost him the throne. The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him.


A wise woman (14-35). Enter Abagail. How Nabal landed this Proverbs 31 jewel defies imagination! She is everything in discretion and beauty that her pitbull beast of a husband is not. Tipped off by providential info from a servant about the impending disaster, she intervenes on behalf of her worthless husband. She navigates a masterful mediation that saves the day. She models Matthew 5:9 blessed-are-the-peacemakers skill—she is swift, decisive, generous, courageous, respectful, responsible, repentant, looking out for other’s interests, God-centered, and confident.

Let’s zero in on just one aspect of this the longest recorded speech by a woman in the Old Testament. Notice the first words out of her mouth face-down before David in v. 24. On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. She took responsibility. Mine’s the blame. She stood in the gap—ultimately averting David’s wrath. Nana Dolce, in a TGC blog post, helps us see that we have here more than a just-be-like wise, masterfully persuasive Abigail:

In Abigail we find something more stunning: a glimpse of the wise Mediator who charged forward to face wrath on behalf of foolish sinners—Jesus. This Mediator offered not just wisdom but his own life: “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—but . . . while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . . We have now been justified by his blood, [therefore] much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Rom. 5:7–9). To miss the shadow of the gospel in Abigail’s narrative is to miss the Mediator who turned away God’s wrath to reconcile us to the Father in the biggest story ever told. God brings us conflict as an assignment to help us grow in Christ-likeness through him who bore the wrath for sins like vengeful anger.

A just end (36-44). Abigail’s report to sobered-up Nabal about her actions proves too much for him. Verse 37: his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. Stroke? Heart attack? Not sure. But the writer leaves no doubt about the outcome in v. 38: And about ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died. David’s words in v. 39 reveal a huge I-get-it:

When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the LORD who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The LORD has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife.

Have you learned this Romans 12:19 lesson? Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we reap. David passed the anger test here thanks to Abigail’s extraordinary help. But the rest of the text hints that he failed to apply the principle of self-restraint and disciplined waiting in another area of testing: the temptation to lust.

He multiplied wives. He began the “taking” Samuel warned that kings would do (8:11-18). Abigail (42). Ahinoam (43). How can we not see a portent of the Bathsheba disgrace of 2 Samuel 11?  And the spilt blood of her husband Uriah? Bloodguilt haunted David and its consequences plagued his descendants from that point on.

No wonder Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:13: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. And warned in Matthew 26:14: Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Genesis 4:7 pertains to us all: Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. How? Rely on the strength of the One who waited on the Father with perfect self-restraint under Satan’s temptations in Matthew 4 and arm yourself with the precious promise of 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

J. I. Packer advised: [God] leaves us in a world of sin to be tried, tested, belaboured by troubles that threaten to crush us—in order that we may glorify Him by our patience under suffering, and in order that He may display the riches of His grace and call forth new praises from us as He constantly upholds and delivers us.

And I venture to add, works in us virtues of self-restraint and patient waiting on Him.

SCHLUMP OR SAGE?

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Trading Anger for Self-Restraint

Schlump: someone who is stupidly foolish.

Sage: someone who is profoundly wise.

Difference between the two? How we handle our anger. So warns Proverbs, God’s book of wisdom.

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (29:11).

“The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult” (12:16).

“A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention” (15:18).

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (16:32).

James, the Proverbs of the Old Testament, adds its “Amen.”

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:19-20).

Permission to ask the obvious but hard question? Where do you rate on the schlump/sage scale? Are you more the hothead, short-tempered, blow-your-fuse type or the cool, calm, collected self-restraint type? Most, I suspect, fall somewhere in between the two extremes.


True confession. Been there done the schlump thing. I tell one sad tale of my struggle with anger in my book. In a particularly challenging season of parenting two young teens, our family sought help from a Christian counselor. When asked to pick an animal which best described their experience of me, their dad, both boys offered the same response: grizzly bear. Get the picture? Busted. Thankfully, I might add.

I certainly don’t profess to qualify as a sage. But with God’s help I have been learning how to move the needle further away from the folly of my rage more to the wisdom of patient self-restraint. And more than not, the Lord has used painful circumstances like that therapy session to work gradual change in my story.

In my next few posts, I plan to camp out on a season in the life of David spanning First Samuel 24-26. There we find the man after God’s own heart enrolled in a training-for-kingship curriculum of God’s design. I call it the school of God’s providence (the holy, wise, and powerful acts by which he preserves and governs all his creatures, and all their actions). Ecclesiastes 7:14 counsels, In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.

I will aim to convince you from the text of this central truth: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. We will look at four things God uses to shape David’s character through a conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.

May the result in us be less shlumpness and more sageness for His glory and our joy.

I CHOOSE TO THANK YOU

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An Original Song by Guest Blogger, Jan Leslie Heffelfinger

I wrote this song many, many years ago, but it has really been on my mind this week. “The hits just keep coming,” as Curt likes to say.

The needs and hurts of people we love and in our own lives can be so overwhelming . . . and by coming to love new friends in Idaho, that has only increased!

The Lord is reminding me this week that in any and every circumstance I can choose to thank him for his presence with me, his faithful love for me, and that he is in control even when I don’t understand. He is sovereign, and he is good.

Here is the text of the song–(don’t be confused by “thank you for my wife” . . . I wrote the lyrics so that it could be sung by a group):

Thank you for my family- thanks for where I live

The work that you’ve provided- the friendships that you give

Thank you for my husband- thank you for my wife

Or thank you that I live alone, and you complete my life

 

I choose to thank you, Lord,

Even when the words come oh, so hard

Even when my heart is weak and sore

Even when I’m feeling battle-scarred

I choose to thank you, Lord,

I have learned you know what’s best for me

Holy Spirit, do your work in me so I will be like you

I choose to thank you, Lord.

 

Thank you for this trial that shows how weak I am

That brings me to my knees at last to try and understand

Thank you for reminding me, I’m weak but you are strong

It sends me running back to you, and that’s where I belong

 

 

 

A WAY OF LOVE IN THE NEW ABNORMAL

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Ten Resolves from 1 Corinthians 13 for COVID-19 Reopening

My truck registration needed renewal. The Idaho County county courthouse finally opened again for business last week.

Upon arrival I was immediately greeted with what I call the new abnormal post-Coronavirus.

A LINE!

It stretched into the hall with six feet between folks required no less.

I didn’t move to rural America from crowded Orlando to wait in any more insufferable lines, or traffic for that matter!!

Welcome to the new not-so-normal world of emerging from COVID-19 lockdown.

Then I heard that painful, still, small inaudible voice–again.

“Curtis Heffelfinger (that’s what Jan calls me when she wants to get my attention), you are still not the most patient man on the planet, eh?”

Um, I guess not.

Then I remembered the sermon I had just preached the previous Sunday, Mother’s Day, “The Greatest of These”–1 Corinthians 13:1-13.

I wondered how the love chapter’s verses 4-7, which detail love’s active ingredients, might shape my way and perhaps others forward through the pandemic recovery.

I arrived at the following ten resolves, all desperately requiring the Lord’s help for my weakness:

One, I will manifest patience as I wait in lines for needed services, dutifully standing on my X marks the spot.

Two, I will treat essential workers and everyone I encounter with kindness, thanking them for their service with a smile.

Three, I won’t envy younger people wishing that I at age 67 were at lesser risk than they.

Four, I won’t boast that I happen to live in a county which still has only three confirmed cases. I could just as easily still be on lockdown with those I love in Central Florida.

Five, I won’t be rude to others who differ with me about the innumerable COVID-19 challenges which generate such wide and vigorously held opinions.

Six, I won’t insist on my own way in leading our church forward but rather carefully listen to the concerns of our people and the counsel of my fellow elders before arriving at decisions.

Seven, I won’t give way to irritability with others. Rather I will overlook offenses whenever possible, allowing for the real effect of denied privileges and even significant losses in their lives.

Eight, I won’t succumb to resentment for the Lord’s providence in permitting a pandemic He could have just as easily prevented.

Nine, I won’t rejoice in the evil of unrest, rebellion, and incivility which abound, but rejoice with every truth yet to be revealed about these once-in-my-lifetime experiences.

Ten, I will bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things, whatever the new abnormal brings, because I’ve built my house upon the rock of Jesus and His truth.

No rain, floods, winds, or virus can beat upon this house to make it fall (Matt. 7:24-27).

That alone explains such resolves of love and the grace to act, albeit imperfectly, upon them.

And so I must ask:

Is your house built upon the rock and in these difficult times does the fragrance of love fill its every room?

A CASE OF PANDEMIC BLUES

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A Fight for Joy Through COVID-19

Save us out from the darkness

I woke up depressed last Saturday. I mean I was down, really down. I was in a not-even-sweetly-joyful-Jan-could-bring-me-out-of-it funk.

I’ve always tended toward the melancholy–though I’ve grown over the years to be less so. But at times darkness still hides His lovely face and I succumb to gloom.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on the cause. I suspect a collection of stay-at-home-order suspects ganged up on me that day. Frankly, my emotions have taken a wilder rollercoaster ride through this time of COVID-coopedupness than I ever expected.

I feel relationally starved. My life revolves around ministering to others. Texts, phone conversations, Facebook messages, Zoom calls and the like get me only so far in my need for connection.

Then there is the ongoing privation of the ordinary means of grace that are not so ordinary to me. I miss singing with God’s people, hearing the word of God preached, feasting at the Lord’s Table, breaking bread with our church family, among other priceless things.

Perhaps I’ve got more ministry idols in need of exposing than I care to explore.

I wonder how many others struggle so?

It took a day or so, but I managed to come out of the nosedive. A week-long postmortem revealed some insights for me about the journey.

Asking Questions of Myself

My friend Ken Sande of RW360 has helped me with this aspect of relational wisdom. The “S” in his “SOG” plan stands for being Self-Aware.

It involves asking yourself things like: What am I feeling? Why do I feel that way? What am I inclined to do? What will I do instead?

David prodded himself similarly in Psalm 42:5:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation.

Those last two questions in Ken’s list are crucial to a successful  upward climb out of the pit. What I was inclined to do was somehow veg the whole day. Instead by God’s grace I chose a healthier path.

Doing the Next Thing

Saturday was a work day for me. I was behind in my hours for the week. I didn’t want to do any of it. But I did anyway. Here’s why.

This counsel from Oswald Chambers has served me well over time:

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time (emphasis added).

Relishing the Surprises

I finished my work. I felt a bit better, but still lingered in my melancholy.

Then I got this Onesiphorus-like text “out of the blue” from a brother in our church:

“Happy Saturday night! Hope you both are doing well. I wasn’t sure how much you are going into town for supplies. If there is anything I can pick up and deliver for you, let me know. We are doing OK . . . learning to be thankful for things.”

Please understand. In this rural Idaho valley, nobody lives close by! This was a huge offer of kindness. I told him he made my day, especially as I was struggling with the blues.

And that last line of his text about learning to be thankful? What a great reminder to fight for joy with verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Self Care

It took me years in ministry to learn this lesson.

A counselor once asked me, “What does Curt do for Curt?”

This without-healthy-boundaries caregiver immediately dismissed the validity of the question for the fear of selfishness.

But eventually he came to his senses. He who cares for the interests of others without due care for his own needs eventually ends up unable to care for anyone’s.

Saturday night we ate a good supper. We got a great night’s sleep–still getting used as a preacher to sleeping in on Sunday mornings–way longer than usual! If food and rest were the Lord’s prescription for a depressed prophet, we best apply the same as needed.

By the time Jan and I made our way to an online service Sunday morning, my joy had returned and we worshipped the Lord.

It still wasn’t the same as gathering together with our church family, but it helped frame another week of fighting for joy in the COVID-19 pandemic.

Question: What helps you fight for joy in this difficult season?

 

 

TAKE HEED OF A PRIVATE SPIRIT

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A Puritan’s Exhortation to War Together for Church Unity

Afraid of the dark

In 2020, I’ve left Octavius Winslow behind–much good he has done me.

This year’s godly dead-guy reading turns to William Gurnall and his treatise The Christian in Complete Armor.

I’ve read some of this tome in the past. Time to finish the task.

It seems I previously missed this connection he makes between spiritual warfare and church unity:

Be sure you stand in close order amongst your selves; these times give us too many sad examples of such, who first fell from communion with their brethren, and then into the devourers hand; stragglers are soon snapped; you will find you are safest in a body. Take heed of a private spirit; let not only your particular safety, but of the whole army of saints be in your eye and care, especially that company (congregation I mean) in which you march. That soldier who can see an enemy in fight with his brethren, and not help them, he makes it but the more easy for the enemy to slay himself at last. Say not therefore, Am I my brothers keeper? God would not keep him that cared not to keep his brother. Watch over one another, not to play the critics on your brothers failings, and triumph when he halts, but to help him up if he falls, or if possible, to keep him from falling by a timely rescue. … Keep your rank and file.

There’s a word, Christian.

Your enemy hunts you and your army.

You are safest in a body.

Keep your rank and file.

We ARE our brother’s keeper.

Take heed of a private spirit!

 

AN OPEN LETTER TO GRADUATES

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A Plea to Set Your Sights on the Most Valuable Pursuit Imaginable

Dear Graduate:

Congratulations on your accomplishment! It is no small achievement to earn a diploma or degree at any level. I commend you for making the finish line. Well done!

Of course, graduation is also a starting line—we call the ceremony “commencement”—the beginning of the next season of your journey.

Scholarship money concept. Coins in jar with money stack step growing growth saving money investment

Whether you are headed for college or going directly into a career, I want to challenge you to consider the single most important pursuit imaginable for the rest of your life.

WISDOM 

God’s word calls wisdom “far better than jewels—all you may desire cannot compare with her” (Proverbs 8:11).

When I graduated high school, the principal challenged me to get straight A’s in college. Please don’t misunderstand. I’ve got nothing against academic excellence. But rarely in my life have I prayed, “Lord, make me smarter.”

But I have begged time and again, “Lord, make me wiser.” I want to challenge you to aim higher than knowledge. Determine to learn how to apply what you know to life’s often staggering choices in the best possible way. That’s wisdom!

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight” (Proverbs 4:7).

Here is my gift to you: six truths for getting wisdom from Proverbs—Scripture’s bank vault of wisdom. Each starts with the letters of the word itself.

Worship God Reverently
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). Nothing matters more than this. Put God first in your life by making your aim always to please Him.
Invite Input Enthusiastically

“Listen to advice and accept counsel, that you may gain wisdom in the future” (19:20). Don’t go it alone. Get yourself a mentor you respect to help guide you through life’s most significant decisions.

Shape Words Carefully

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (21:23). Trust me on this: people will judge how wise or foolish you seem by what comes out of your mouth. “Out of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Control your tongue.

Distrust Self Vigilantly

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (4:23). A person’s worst enemy is their own heart (Jeremiah 17:9). Guard it from every threat—especially pride (11:2).

Overlook Sin Graciously

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (19:11). Don’t be easily offended by others. Choose love that covers a multitude of sins (10:12).

Make Disciples Intentionally

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (27:17). A disciple is a learner. Don’t just get a mentor; be a mentor. Help others grow. Give yourself away to others and I guarantee you’ll increase in wisdom.

Friend, this might seem overwhelming. It is. You and I need the help of the One who became wisdom for us (1 Corinthians 1:30) through His perfect life, death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead.

If you’d like to know more about him and the wisdom life he offers, watch this seven minute presentation called Two Ways to Live.

If you ever need help or counsel in any way, please don’t hesitate to contact me. It would be my great joy to offer whatever wisdom I can.

In His grip,

Curt Heffelfinger

‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE FRANTIC

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Three Strategies for Staying Sane for the Holidays

young girl shout because of christmas stress

Christmas may well be the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be the most stressful. Some research even suggests it can cause a heart attack!

Many variables contribute to the craziness—including the tensions produced by the dynamics at family gatherings.

Luke 10:38-42 gives an account of a household meltdown that can help us navigate the challenges which threaten a peaceful holiday.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Here are three takeaways for staying peaceful and calm the rest of December from this tale of two sisters.

One, monitor personal desires. Kudos to Martha for showing hospitality to Jesus and his followers.

But her desire to pull out all the stops (a common temptation for serving types) got Martha a loving but firm rebuke from Jesus. “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things.”

Luke says she was “distracted”—literally pulled in a zillion directions—”with much serving.”

Her desire, not bad in and of itself, went south when it deteriorated into a demand leading to an outburst. That’s precisely how idols work, if we don’t watch over our hearts and control their passions with the Lord’s help.

Two, resist critical judgments. Ken Sande has blogged about the progression of idols from desire, to demand, to judging, and punishing. Martha makes for a textbook case.

What puts her version of this slippery slope into a whole other category is her criticism/demand not just of Mary but of Jesus! “Lord, do you not care? Tell her to help me.”

Good grief, talk about an awkward moment around the living room. David Powlison writes:

We judge others—criticize, nit-pick, nag, attack, condemn— because we literally play God. This is heinous. . . . Who are you when you judge? None other than a God wannabe. . . . When you and I fight, our minds become filled with accusations: your wrongs and my rights preoccupy me. We play the self-righteous judge in the mini-kingdoms we establish.

Three, guard spiritual priorities. Jesus defends Mary for choosing “the good portion,” not to be taken away from her.

Much serving at the expense of much worshipping leads to much worrying.

Regularly choose the one thing necessary this Christmas for keeping your idols in check and your peace in place.

Question: How do you choose the good part during the busy holiday season?

BARS, CHAINS, & BIRTHDAYS

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More Reflections Along the Jaw Rebuilding Road

Last Tuesday took me to yet another doctor appointment in Miami. Never have I looked forward to the 500 mile, day-long marathon trip as I did for this particular visit.

Time to remove the Erector Set pile of metal bars and chains holding my reconstructed jaw shut for the last 21 days.

crocodiles_resting_together

What a war! Two surgical residents. Pliers. Wire cutters. Suction. It started easy enough. But before long the yanking, twisting, pulling, and tugging increased. I stiffened in the chair like a 2×6 piece of red fir. My kingdom for some nitrous oxide–PLEASE!

Once the nurse turned the gas on high I settled in for the duration. Bloodied and sore after it all, the word “Armageddon” kept running through my head for some reason.

It felt SO GOOD to open my mouth again. No more practicing the ventriloquist act for this preacher. Never I have enjoyed so much like I did that night flossing and brushing both sides of my teeth!

Rarely have I anticipated solid food again with more delight. The first bite of fish (soft and sauce remain my culinary mandates for the duration) melted in my mouth. I moaned at the savory taste with pleasure. But then came a moan of a different kind.

Chewing brought pain–again. There simply was no opening my jaw wide enough to bite down on the food. Both sockets hurt with each movement. I could hardly manipulate the food with my tongue so as to position it where teeth remain for mastication.

Sigh. This will take longer than I think. Double sigh.

But–my chains are gone! I’ve been set free! Slowly my range of motion improves. Each day it hurts a bit less to get solid food down. RoboJaw 2 gets further in the rear view mirror with each passing day. I am so thankful.

The next day, Wednesday, I turned 44, spiritually speaking. I celebrated yet another spiritual birthday. For some reason I happen to be one of those Christians who knows just when the Spirit of God blew with power resulting in his spiritual birth (John 3:1-8).

I don’t know that it matters all that much or not whether one knows the time and date specifics of his regeneration–although a special friend of mine admitted she envies that for me.

What matters a great deal more is the assurance that one has been born again. You know the Lord has changed your heart of stone into a heart of flesh (Ezek. 36:26). You enjoy the  assurance of hope in eternal life (1 John 5:11-13).

You fear no condemnation because Jesus’ propitiating sacrifice has satisfied the wrath of God most holy justly upon you for your sin (Rom. 3:21-26; 5:1; 8:1). Your sins are forgiven. Those chains are gone. You’ve been set free and are free indeed (John 8:31-32)!

You trust that the blood of Jesus covers all your sins. J. C. Ryle expressed the inexpressible joy of this particular assurance so well:

This wondrous blood of Christ, applied to your conscience, can cleanse you from all sin. It matters nothing what your sins may have been, “Though they be as scarlet they may be made like snow. Though they be red like crimson they can be made like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18.) From sins of youth and sins of age, from sins of ignorance and sins of knowledge—from sins of open profligacy and sins of secret vice—from sins against law and sins against Gospel—from sins of head, and heart, and tongue, and thought, and imagination—from sins against each and all of the ten commandments—from all these the blood of Christ can set us free. To this end was it appointed; for this cause was it shed; for this purpose it is still a fountain open to all mankind. That thing which you cannot do for yourself can be done in a moment by this precious fountain. YOU CAN HAVE ALL YOUR SINS CLEANSED AWAY.

Have you been born again?

SAVORING THE BETTER FOOD

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When Fighting To Consume Enough Calories Teaches a Spiritual Lesson

Day 20. Operation RoboJaw 2 is nearly three weeks in my rear view mirror. Lord willing, tomorrow in Miami, the wires come off this jaw!

Muir Woods, California, USA

The Lord has taught me so many things through this latest trial. One particularly important lesson came soon after surgery. I visited my PCP for a post-op follow up. He took one look at my weight and read me the riot act. “You’ve lost nine pounds in a week. You have to eat more!”

Easy for him to say. But I did and have. The scale stabilized right around 170 lbs. I look forward to getting back on the eat-anything-you-want diet until I can pack on another ten or so pounds.

Clearly taking in enough nutrients and calories matters greatly to one’s physical health. The wake up call in the doc’s office that day got me to thinking about the principle on a spiritual level.

The Scriptures refer to God’s word as our necessary spiritual food of a superior kind. Job put it this way: I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread (23:12). Jesus, after 40 days of fasting, said this: Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Matt. 4:4).

The Psalmist describes the truly happy man with a vivid metaphor in Psalm 1:1-3.

Blessed is the man
    who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
    nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree
    planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
    and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

Are you taking in enough spiritual nutrition? How’s your daily feeding on God’s word? Does 1 Peter 2:2-3 describe your experience–2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 3 if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

2017 is fast upon us. Might this be the time you can fortify your spiritual health habits with a regular diet of  feasting on God’s word? Here are some nutritional plan suggestions to help.

One, read five chapters of the Psalms and one of Proverbs a day. For extra strength read a chapter in both the Old and New Testaments as well.

Two, purchase a subscription to Table Talk Magazine. In addition to the excellent articles and devotions in each publication, they include a reading plan for working your way through the Bible in a year. I have used this resource for years. It’s a treasure!

Three, get a one year plan for reading through the Bible like you can find here. Don’t get discouraged if you miss a day. Most of us do. Get started again as soon as you can.

But don’t go days without feasting. You’ll lose too much weight!

Rather read and meditate daily on God’s word and grow into a flourishing fruit-yielding tree!