Taming Anger by Self-Restraint

My preparation for a lifetime of pastoral ministry spanned some fifteen years of formal education. Three earned degrees profited me in many ways. But their value paled in comparison to lessons gained over greater time in the school of God’s providence. Ecclesiastes 7:14 sums up the curriculum: In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.

In my last post Schlump or Sage, I promised next to visit 1 Samuel 24-26 for insight on how God works in this way. (Please click there to read those chapters.) They form a unit where we find David—heir apparent to Israel’s throne—with God in the school of hard providence. He continually escaped King Saul’s bloodthirsty wrath on the run in the wilderness of Judah. Chapter 24 records a dramatic cave encounter where David nearly capitalized on Saul’s vulnerability—going even so far as to cut off a corner of his robe—symbolic of his kingship. But conscience-stricken he stopped short: “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’s anointed.” Lesson learned: not my prerogative, God’s. Wait for his timing. Similar training awaits David with Saul again in chapter 26:

9 But David said to Abishai, “Do not destroy him, for who can put out his hand against the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?” 10 And David said, “As the Lord lives, the Lord will strike him, or his day will come to die, or he will go down into battle and perish. 11 The Lord forbid that I should put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.

David feared God to disobey Leviticus 19:18: You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. He gets the wisdom of Proverbs 20:22: Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

At first blush, chapter 25 seems out of place. Saul shows up just once in the narrative. A different cast of characters join the story. What’s this mess with moron Nabal and rockstar Abigail all about? THE SAME LESSON! Beware the evil of bloodguilt. Check out David’s bottom line in v. 32:

32 And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand! 34 For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.”

A lesson so important as this to the man after God’s own heart warrants three long chapters to drive it home. Avoid shedding blood not yours to spill. Refuse the temptation to take matters best left up to God into your own hands. Learn to tame rage by cultivating self-restraint.

Here again is the point: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. God uses four things to shape David’s character in this conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.

A great loss (1). The text opens on an ominous note: Now Samuel died. One commentary notes: Since the days of Moses and Joshua, no man had arisen to whom the covenant nation owed so much as to Samuel, who has been justly called the reformer and restorer of the theocracy. Samuel. Last of the judges, first of the prophets. A nation mourns. Most importantly—this friend, mentor, advisor, and guide to David whom he anointed in chapter 16 is gone. Puritan Matthew Henry noted: The loss is the more grievous at this juncture when Saul has grown so outrageous and David is driven from his country; never more need of Samuel than now, yet now he is removed.

Saul had acknowledged David’s right to the throne (24:20), but David—leery of his adversary—still retreated to his stronghold (22). Samuel’s death prompts an even deeper flight south. David was likely unnerved by the development, perhaps even fearful about renewed madness from Saul. Take note. Loss can make you vulnerable. It can set you up for unbelief and leave you off your guard for temptation. God’s man would need to learn the lesson driven home multiple times to Joshua after the death of his mentor and spiritual giant, Moses: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). In adversity, consider. God makes it to transform us more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

A harsh offense (2-13). David’s request for provisions for his band of brothers smacks to 21^st century readers of running a protection racket. No way. Festival times like sheep-shearing meant lavish celebration and deep-pockets Nabal partied like royalty (36). Ancient Eastern cultural sentiment regarded generous hospitality a virtue even without the kind of guardian services David’s men provided from enemy brigands that the household staff called “a wall to us night and day” (16). And the petition by the ten emissaries represented David peaceably, respectfully, and perhaps even professionally since this may have been a kind of invitation to an ongoing contractual arrangement.

Nabal doesn’t simply decline the request for aid; he insults the Lord’s anointed with utter contempt. Verse 10: And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters.  Don’t miss this. Nabal is Saul’s alter ego—a God-ordained surrogate stand-in. He even sounds like Saul—this son of Jesse. In Saul David duels with a man corrupted by power; in Nabal he feuds with a soul enslaved by wealth (11). Providence tests David’s heart as to what rules it through temptation triggered by both enemies in these 3 chapters. He passes with flying colors in 24 and 26 but nearly flunks fatally here in 25. Verse 13 says it all:

And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage. Verses 21-22 further reveal just how hijacked by rage David had become: Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”

Yikes! Who is this David and what has become of the one in 24? Matthew Henry again: If one vexation seems to be over, we must not be secure; a storm may arise from some other point. What you do with and how you react to an egregious personal offense that threatens to trigger an emotional, verbal, text-FB-email, voicemail, and/or face to face murder-in-the-heart rampage says a whole lot about who’s on the throne of your heart at any given moment—the flesh or the Spirit. Are you beast or beauty? The Lord must teach his servant the wisdom of Proverbs 16:32: Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. David acts like Saul here; he desperately needs a “David” to intercept a pending disaster of his own doing which would cost him the throne. The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him.

A wise woman (14-35). Enter Abagail. How Nabal landed this Proverbs 31 jewel defies imagination! She is everything in discretion and beauty that her pitbull beast of a husband is not. Tipped off by providential info from a servant about the impending disaster, she intervenes on behalf of her worthless husband. She navigates a masterful mediation that saves the day. She models Matthew 5:9 blessed-are-the-peacemakers skill—she is swift, decisive, generous, courageous, respectful, responsible, repentant, looking out for other’s interests, God-centered, and confident.

Let’s zero in on just one aspect of this the longest recorded speech by a woman in the Old Testament. Notice the first words out of her mouth face-down before David in v. 24. On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. She took responsibility. Mine’s the blame. She stood in the gap—ultimately averting David’s wrath. Nana Dolce, in a TGC blog post, helps us see that we have here more than a just-be-like wise, masterfully persuasive Abigail:

In Abigail we find something more stunning: a glimpse of the wise Mediator who charged forward to face wrath on behalf of foolish sinners—Jesus. This Mediator offered not just wisdom but his own life: “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—but . . . while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . . We have now been justified by his blood, [therefore] much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Rom. 5:7–9). To miss the shadow of the gospel in Abigail’s narrative is to miss the Mediator who turned away God’s wrath to reconcile us to the Father in the biggest story ever told. God brings us conflict as an assignment to help us grow in Christ-likeness through him who bore the wrath for sins like vengeful anger.

A just end (36-44). Abigail’s report to sobered-up Nabal about her actions proves too much for him. Verse 37: his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. Stroke? Heart attack? Not sure. But the writer leaves no doubt about the outcome in v. 38: And about ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died. David’s words in v. 39 reveal a huge I-get-it:

When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the LORD who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The LORD has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife.

Have you learned this Romans 12:19 lesson? Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we reap. David passed the anger test here thanks to Abigail’s extraordinary help. But the rest of the text hints that he failed to apply the principle of self-restraint and disciplined waiting in another area of testing: the temptation to lust.

He multiplied wives. He began the “taking” Samuel warned that kings would do (8:11-18). Abigail (42). Ahinoam (43). How can we not see a portent of the Bathsheba disgrace of 2 Samuel 11?  And the spilt blood of her husband Uriah? Bloodguilt haunted David and its consequences plagued his descendants from that point on.

No wonder Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:13: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. And warned in Matthew 26:14: Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Genesis 4:7 pertains to us all: Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. How? Rely on the strength of the One who waited on the Father with perfect self-restraint under Satan’s temptations in Matthew 4 and arm yourself with the precious promise of 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

J. I. Packer advised: [God] leaves us in a world of sin to be tried, tested, belaboured by troubles that threaten to crush us—in order that we may glorify Him by our patience under suffering, and in order that He may display the riches of His grace and call forth new praises from us as He constantly upholds and delivers us.

And I venture to add, works in us virtues of self-restraint and patient waiting on Him.