BEAST OR BEAUTY?

April 21, 2026April 21, 2026 / revheff / Leave a comment

Taming Anger by Self-Restraint

My preparation for a lifetime of pastoral ministry spanned some fifteen years of formal education. Three earned degrees profited me in many ways. But their value paled in comparison to lessons gained over greater time in the school of God’s providence. Ecclesiastes 7:14 sums up the curriculum: In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. Days of adversity—hard providence—make particularly good tutors for valuable lessons in character development.

In my last post Schlump or Sage, I promised next to visit 1 Samuel 24-26 for insight on how God works in this way. (Please click there to read those chapters.) They form a unit where we find David—heir apparent to Israel’s throne—with God in the school of hard providence. He continually escaped King Saul’s bloodthirsty wrath on the run in the wilderness of Judah. Chapter 24 records a dramatic cave encounter where David nearly capitalized on Saul’s vulnerability—going even so far as to cut off a corner of his robe—symbolic of his kingship. But conscience-stricken he stopped short: “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’s anointed.” Lesson learned: not my prerogative, God’s. Wait for his timing. Similar training awaits David with Saul again in chapter 26:

9 But David said to Abishai, “Do not destroy him, for who can put out his hand against the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?” 10 And David said, “As the Lord lives, the Lord will strike him, or his day will come to die, or he will go down into battle and perish. 11 The Lord forbid that I should put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.

David feared God to disobey Leviticus 19:18: You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. He gets the wisdom of Proverbs 20:22: Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

At first blush, chapter 25 seems out of place. Saul shows up just once in the narrative. A different cast of characters join the story. What’s this mess with moron Nabal and rockstar Abigail all about? THE SAME LESSON! Beware the evil of bloodguilt. Check out David’s bottom line in v. 32:

32 And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand! 34 For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.”

A lesson so important as this to the man after God’s own heart warrants three long chapters to drive it home. Avoid shedding blood not yours to spill. Refuse the temptation to take matters best left up to God into your own hands. Learn to tame rage by cultivating self-restraint.

Here again is the point: The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him. God uses four things to shape David’s character in this conflict: a great loss, a harsh offense, a wise woman, and a just end.

A great loss (1). The text opens on an ominous note: Now Samuel died. One commentary notes: Since the days of Moses and Joshua, no man had arisen to whom the covenant nation owed so much as to Samuel, who has been justly called the reformer and restorer of the theocracy. Samuel. Last of the judges, first of the prophets. A nation mourns. Most importantly—this friend, mentor, advisor, and guide to David whom he anointed in chapter 16 is gone. Puritan Matthew Henry noted: The loss is the more grievous at this juncture when Saul has grown so outrageous and David is driven from his country; never more need of Samuel than now, yet now he is removed.

Saul had acknowledged David’s right to the throne (24:20), but David—leery of his adversary—still retreated to his stronghold (22). Samuel’s death prompts an even deeper flight south. David was likely unnerved by the development, perhaps even fearful about renewed madness from Saul. Take note. Loss can make you vulnerable. It can set you up for unbelief and leave you off your guard for temptation. God’s man would need to learn the lesson driven home multiple times to Joshua after the death of his mentor and spiritual giant, Moses: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). In adversity, consider. God makes it to transform us more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

A harsh offense (2-13). David’s request for provisions for his band of brothers smacks to 21^st century readers of running a protection racket. No way. Festival times like sheep-shearing meant lavish celebration and deep-pockets Nabal partied like royalty (36). Ancient Eastern cultural sentiment regarded generous hospitality a virtue even without the kind of guardian services David’s men provided from enemy brigands that the household staff called “a wall to us night and day” (16). And the petition by the ten emissaries represented David peaceably, respectfully, and perhaps even professionally since this may have been a kind of invitation to an ongoing contractual arrangement.

Nabal doesn’t simply decline the request for aid; he insults the Lord’s anointed with utter contempt. Verse 10: And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. Don’t miss this. Nabal is Saul’s alter ego—a God-ordained surrogate stand-in. He even sounds like Saul—this son of Jesse. In Saul David duels with a man corrupted by power; in Nabal he feuds with a soul enslaved by wealth (11). Providence tests David’s heart as to what rules it through temptation triggered by both enemies in these 3 chapters. He passes with flying colors in 24 and 26 but nearly flunks fatally here in 25. Verse 13 says it all:

And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage. Verses 21-22 further reveal just how hijacked by rage David had become: Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”

Yikes! Who is this David and what has become of the one in 24? Matthew Henry again: If one vexation seems to be over, we must not be secure; a storm may arise from some other point. What you do with and how you react to an egregious personal offense that threatens to trigger an emotional, verbal, text-FB-email, voicemail, and/or face to face murder-in-the-heart rampage says a whole lot about who’s on the throne of your heart at any given moment—the flesh or the Spirit. Are you beast or beauty? The Lord must teach his servant the wisdom of Proverbs 16:32: Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. David acts like Saul here; he desperately needs a “David” to intercept a pending disaster of his own doing which would cost him the throne. The Lord uses trials like conflict to grow us in the virtues of self-restraint and waiting on Him.

A wise woman (14-35). Enter Abagail. How Nabal landed this Proverbs 31 jewel defies imagination! She is everything in discretion and beauty that her pitbull beast of a husband is not. Tipped off by providential info from a servant about the impending disaster, she intervenes on behalf of her worthless husband. She navigates a masterful mediation that saves the day. She models Matthew 5:9 blessed-are-the-peacemakers skill—she is swift, decisive, generous, courageous, respectful, responsible, repentant, looking out for other’s interests, God-centered, and confident.

Let’s zero in on just one aspect of this the longest recorded speech by a woman in the Old Testament. Notice the first words out of her mouth face-down before David in v. 24. On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. She took responsibility. Mine’s the blame. She stood in the gap—ultimately averting David’s wrath. Nana Dolce, in a TGC blog post, helps us see that we have here more than a just-be-like wise, masterfully persuasive Abigail:

In Abigail we find something more stunning: a glimpse of the wise Mediator who charged forward to face wrath on behalf of foolish sinners—Jesus. This Mediator offered not just wisdom but his own life: “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—but . . . while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. . . . We have now been justified by his blood, [therefore] much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Rom. 5:7–9). To miss the shadow of the gospel in Abigail’s narrative is to miss the Mediator who turned away God’s wrath to reconcile us to the Father in the biggest story ever told. God brings us conflict as an assignment to help us grow in Christ-likeness through him who bore the wrath for sins like vengeful anger.

A just end (36-44). Abigail’s report to sobered-up Nabal about her actions proves too much for him. Verse 37: his heart died within him, and he became as a stone. Stroke? Heart attack? Not sure. But the writer leaves no doubt about the outcome in v. 38: And about ten days later the LORD struck Nabal, and he died. David’s words in v. 39 reveal a huge I-get-it:

When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Blessed be the LORD who has avenged the insult I received at the hand of Nabal, and has kept back his servant from wrongdoing. The LORD has returned the evil of Nabal on his own head.” Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife.

Have you learned this Romans 12:19 lesson? Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we reap. David passed the anger test here thanks to Abigail’s extraordinary help. But the rest of the text hints that he failed to apply the principle of self-restraint and disciplined waiting in another area of testing: the temptation to lust.

He multiplied wives. He began the “taking” Samuel warned that kings would do (8:11-18). Abigail (42). Ahinoam (43). How can we not see a portent of the Bathsheba disgrace of 2 Samuel 11? And the spilt blood of her husband Uriah? Bloodguilt haunted David and its consequences plagued his descendants from that point on.

No wonder Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:13: Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. And warned in Matthew 26:14: Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Genesis 4:7 pertains to us all: Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. How? Rely on the strength of the One who waited on the Father with perfect self-restraint under Satan’s temptations in Matthew 4 and arm yourself with the precious promise of 1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

J. I. Packer advised: [God] leaves us in a world of sin to be tried, tested, belaboured by troubles that threaten to crush us—in order that we may glorify Him by our patience under suffering, and in order that He may display the riches of His grace and call forth new praises from us as He constantly upholds and delivers us.

And I venture to add, works in us virtues of self-restraint and patient waiting on Him.

A DAGGER OF ICE

January 18, 2019 / revheff / Leave a comment

Death’s Grief Still Great, God’s Grace Still Greater

The icicles melts in the sunlight

Four years ago today I heard the worst three words of my life: “Josh is dead.” Heart failure took our first born at the tender age of 35. In a millisecond, death struck with a dagger of ice.

That word picture penned by Dr. Robert Dabney (1820-1898) to describe his grief after the loss of his two sons within the span of a month, captured the intensity of this father’s pain.

James W. Bruce III, who himself along with wife Joni suffered the loss of infant son John Cameron, tells Dabney’s story in his book From Grief to Glory: A Book of Comfort for Grieving Parents.

Robert Lewis Dabney was an American Christian theologian, Southern Presbyterian pastor, Confederate States Army chaplain, and architect. He was also chief of staff and biographer to Stonewall Jackson.

Clearly he was no stranger to egregious loss. I’ve said it time and again: No one should have to bury a child. And yet, many have. The world is not the way it should be. Maranatha.

I didn’t know Dabney’s story until reading Bruce’s priceless work (I use the adjective purposefully–if you have lost a child, read this book). From Grief to Glory chronicles accounts of numerous Christians from history enrolled in this unenviable fraternity.

Of all the testimonies included in this splendid book, Bruce credits Dabney’s for most touching his heart.

Dabney died an old man, infirm and blind. His life and ministry, Bruce observes, “are all but forgotten today” (81). Though grief stricken, he lived and died well.

Blank Headstone

Bruce notes that Dabney’s wife placed his grave monument bearing this epitaph:

In unshaken loyalty of devotion to his friends, his country, and his religion, firm in misfortune, ever active in earnest endeavor, he labored all his life for what he loved, with a faith in good causes, that was ever one with his faith in God (81).

Should my bride outlive me, I can only hope she might inscribe something of the same sentiments over my remains. If so, only one explanation will account for the tribute: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).

Four years later.

Grief is still great; grace is still greater.

My resolve per Dabney for year five and beyond?

“Follow God fully without turning aside” (81).

Thank you for reading and weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15).

THREE ARE BETTER THAN ONE

January 18, 2017January 18, 2017 / revheff / 8 Comments

How God Comforts Abundantly in Loss through the Grief of Others

No worries. I’m not misquoting the sacred text in Ecc. 4:9-12.

⁹Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. ¹⁰For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! ¹¹Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? ¹²And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Two are better than one. No doubt about it–for all the reasons Solomon lists for any number of difficult circumstances. Today I’m grateful to find my two is a three.

Man with financial or sentimental problems

My journal entry this morning began this way:

1/18/17

Not my favorite day of the year. I write this at the kitchen table. I’m looking at the very place on the tile floor where I collapsed in a flood of tears three years ago. Nancy had just uttered those horrible words, “Josh is dead.” You really never do get entirely over burying a child.

Then the phone rang. I knew he would call. He hasn’t missed a January 18 yet. He won’t ever, if he can help it. “E” is too well acquainted with grief himself to drop this ball.

That’s especially true because for years the circumstances were reversed. I used to call him every January 19. He and his bride lost their daughter years ago. I was their pastor at the time. I presided over the funeral.

It means the world to me when this brother calls. It has everything to do with another significant passage of Scripture–2 Cor. 1:3-5.

³Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

No one comforts in loss more abundantly than someone with a shared grief. In a nutshell, here’s what my friend did as Jesus’ agent on yet another day of mourning/remembering in my life.

One, he connected. He took initiative. This is a busy man with enormous responsibilities in a major parachurch ministry. He found time to care for me.

Two, he listened. After asking me how I was doing, he listened quietly with the occasional affirming “yes” or “hmm” that assured me of his undivided attention. Just being able to express the gamut of my feelings without fear of judgment helped so much.

Three, he identified. He shared his own experience of visiting his daughter’s graveside the day before. He talked about how hard last Christmas was getting all those cards with pictures of children and grandchildren he will never have. He understands.

Four, he counseled. Not in an overt way. He used the back door approach–perhaps not even realizing what he was doing. He reminded me of some advice I had given him about sharing the hurt honestly yet humbly with the Lord.

Five, he suggested. “Curt, what do you think of this? What about you, me, and “R” getting together at some point?”

Here’s why my title has the number three in it. We both have a mutual friend who lost his daughter some years ago on January 26. I officiated that service too.

“Great idea!” I said.

Three men of sorrow acquainted with grief getting together to comfort one another with the comfort gained from the Father of mercies and God of all comfort?

I can hardly wait.

And I’m glad January 18 rolls around only one time a year.

ON GRIEVING

October 17, 2016 / revheff / 9 Comments

Personal Reflections About the Journey Through Loss

Though off topic in terms of my usual subject matter, this day demands it. The wife of my youth, Nancy, would have turned 67 today had the Lord granted her length of days.

Dried rose on old vintage wood plates

Anniversaries present their own peculiar challenges to the grief process. Her birthday marks the second of these for me. My birthday last month was the first. The next? What would have been our 42nd wedding anniversary this December 21. One at a time.

The content for this post actually crystallized for me on a prayer walk beside Lake Michigan during my bereavement leave. While I don’t consider myself an expert on this subject by any means, losing a son and a bride within the span of three years time tutors one in a way like little else can do.

Perhaps this post may help others navigating what C. S. Lewis likened to the amputation of a limb. I would prefer “limbs.”

My penchant for acrostics carried the day for these five reflections. What can I say? I love this format for remembering content.

G—guard your heart from resentment. Prov. 4:23 warns, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” That’s hard enough to do on the mountain top let alone walking through the valley of the shadow. “The heart knows its own bitterness” (Prov. 14:10).

Few things poison one’s inner being worse than resentment lodged in the heart. I’ve prayed often on the battleground of suffering, “Lord, please protect me from resentment’s assault.”

R—relish the memories of the past. This has helped guard my heart. I’ve determined to focus on the gift of nearly 42 years with a rock-star woman rather than what years we won’t ever enjoy together. I didn’t deserve one day of those we shared anyway.

Normally Nan and I would have spent her birthday on the deck of our Idaho home overlooking the Clearwater Valley. Few things gave me more pleasure than hearing her voice, talking together, wiling away the chill of the night with the fire pit aflame before us.

Psalm 77:11 has sweetly charted my way through these five months–“I will remember the deeds of the Lord . . . your wonders of old.”

I—invite your friends into the process. This has been huge! How grateful I am for brothers and sisters who have wept with me in my weeping (Prov. 12:15).

Withdrawal from others in lament has its place. I’ve needed alone time to process. But isolation presents a slippery slope potentially robbing one of wisely chosen community with those skilled in drawing out the heart (Prov. 20:5).

E—engage your emotions in the present. What a roller coaster! Though honestly grief proved more challenging with Josh’s lost than with Nan’s. Our son passed with no warning; Nancy traveled the valley for months and it happened right before my very eyes. Hospice calls it anticipatory grief.

Still, one never knows when sadness will hijack the feelings. I took a personal day today just so I would have some latitude for dealing with this prospect without the demands of my everyday ministry responsibilities. And how grateful I am for the elders at OGC and her people for granting me twelve weeks bereavement leave for doing the same last summer.

F–faith your way into the future. By God’s grace, I’ve never dropped my shield of faith in my fight with this formidable foe, grief (Eph. 6:16). Perhaps no promise ever means more for leaving the past behind and pressing on into what God has for me in the days ahead than Rom. 8:32. “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

God has already done the harder thing. Jesus died for me making me His own. How can I conceivably entertain the prospect that He won’t graciously give me absolutely everything I need for the future, even though in His wise and always good providence it no longer includes the once delight of my eyes?

RADIO INTERVIEW ABOUT ORLANDO TRAGEDY

June 13, 2016 / revheff / 6 Comments

My Conversation with Frank Reed of KLTY Dallas-Fort Worth Concerning the Mass Shooting

pulse

God wastes nothing.

He continues to surprise in the way He redeems my nearly three year journey through suffering and loss.

The latest evidence of that came with a text from long-time friend and radio personality, Frank Reed. He asked if he could interview me about the Pulse nightclub massacre for his morning show.

I consented hoping and praying by God’s grace to make the most of the opportunity for the gospel.

It aired this morning.

You can listen to the audio on the Orlando Grace Church website.

MY EYE’S DELIGHT GONE HOME

June 1, 2016June 2, 2016 / revheff / 33 Comments

The Obituary for Nancy Jean Heffelfinger

“The delight of your eyes.”

Thus I AM, God over all, referred to the prophet’s beloved when He took her from him for higher purposes (Ezek. 24:16). So it has pleased Him to do with the wife of my youth. He gives and takes away; blessed be His name (Job 1:21).

Nan and Me

As with the loss of Joshua, our firstborn son, I choose to publish her obituary on my blog with its various social media connections.

Nancy Jean Masologites Heffelfinger, age 66, of Altamonte Springs, Florida, went peacefully to her treasured Lord Jesus at home on Tuesday, May 31, 2016. She was born on October 17, 1949, in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. She grew up in Broomall, PA, where she attended Marple Newton High School. In addition to her academic excellence, Nancy loved sports. She captained her tennis team and played a fierce game of field hockey. She earned a bachelor’s degree in home economics and child development from the University of Delaware.

Much of her work life outside the home involved utilizing considerable administrative assistant and people-relating skills. But she came into her own upon discovering a passion and gift for natural health and nutrition. Countless people over the years benefited immensely from her testing, counsel, and care. She never met a vitamin/mineral supplement she didn’t like.

Nancy met her husband-to-be Curt on January 5, 1974. That day she professed faith in Jesus Christ as her Savior and Lord. Six months later she and Curt got engaged; they married on December 21, 1974. After six years of residing in Southern California, she and her family moved to Central Florida. Most of the rest of her life involved making a home in metro Orlando–except for a two year stint in Idaho.

Nancy ran her spiritual race right to the finish line, serving diligently as a partner in the gospel with her pastor/husband at five different churches over the course of their married lives. She possessed an uncommonly positive, even-keeled disposition, rarely complaining about anything–even during her eighteen-month battle with cancer. Whatever it took to solve a problem or overcome an obstacle with the Lord’s help, that she consistently did. She was a “no-problem” gem of a woman.

She is survived by Curt Heffelfinger, her devoted husband, Joel Heffelfinger, her remaining son (Joshua, her firstborn, predeceased her in January of 2014), five grandchildren, Jean, her mother, three younger siblings, and numerous other extended family members.

Please visit the DeGusipe Funeral Home website to post a tribute, if you so desire. A memorial service for Nancy is scheduled at Orlando Grace Church, 872 Maitland Avenue, Altamonte Springs, Florida, at 10:00 AM on Saturday, June 4, 2016. Refreshments will be served in the fellowship hall after the service. Tax deductible gifts in her memory toward the church’s building fund/capital campaign can be made to Orlando Grace Church where she has served as a covenant member and faithful pastor’s wife these past eleven years. For more information contact the church office at 407.660.1984.

Our deepest, sincere, and heartfelt thanks for the outpouring of support in the way of tears, cards, gifts, meals, calls, texts, emails, posts, and especially prayers. As before, I feel rich beyond my imagination in terms of that which, humanly speaking, matters most–the love and care of others.

With gratitude to the only One I have ever loved more than my Nancy, I am sorrowful, yet always rejoicing (2 Cor. 6:10).

Grief is great; grace is greater.

SAD NEWS ABOUT MY NANCY

May 28, 2016 / revheff / 44 Comments

The Latest on Her Battle with Cancer

Yesterday, May 27, we admitted my bride to the hospital. Over the last week her physical distress rose alarmingly fast. Thankfully doctors quickly stabilized things. She is much more comfortable today.

NanGravatar

This morning we learned the cause for her symptoms. The spread of disease now compromises some major organs. The weakness of her condition furthermore prohibits the possibility of any standard of care chemotherapy treatment.

Nan grasps the gravity of the situation. She has fought her fight with the courage of her personal convictions. She has done so without complaint. The joy of the Lord has been her strength and remains so (Neh. 8:10). She does not despair knowing what pleasures await at her Savior’s right hand (Psalm 16:11).

A hospice rep will meet with us tomorrow. Joel, our son, arrives tonight. He plans to join us for that appointment with the nurse. As soon as arrangements can be made, likely no more than a day or two, we will move Nancy to the comfort of our home.

Words cannot convey my unique privilege to serve both as Nan’s husband and pastor. We talked and wept together over the news earlier today. I reminded her (and myself) that God regards as “precious”–the Hebrew means significant, weighty, no small thing in His sight–the death of His saints (Psalm 116:15). Her times are in His hands. He will walk with her through the valley of the shadow; she fears no evil (Psalm 23:4).

Lately I’ve spent a fair amount of time meditating on Phil. 4:11-13. Paul writes from prison:

¹¹Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ¹²I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. ¹³I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

This turn of events brings me low–lower than my own cancer, a broken jaw, even the loss of our beloved Joshua, or any other hard providence we have faced. My schooling in the secret of contentment faces its biggest challenge. Though I expect the degree of difficulty to grow exponentially in the days ahead, I hope to bank everything on the massive promise of v. 13–I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Please pray for Nan’s comfort and care during this time. I want to love and serve her well at every turn. She’s pretty weak. I’m not certain at what point, if at all, she will desire visitors. We will just have to see how she does once we get her home. Many thanks.

Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing (2 Cor. 6:10), we press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:14).

WHEN SERVANTS COME AND GO

February 6, 2016February 7, 2016 / revheff / 2 Comments

And they do, don’t they?

When people move on from our churches for any number of reasons, it can take its toll on a lot of things, including the unity of a fellowship. Not too long ago our own body experienced what seemed like an inordinate number of transitions. It can leave us sad, especially if we felt particularly close to so-and-so. It can even lead to resentment, if it seemed to us that a family left for not so good a reason. Worst case scenario it can discourage so greatly that we find ourselves tempted to withdraw from the community thus adding further threats to the peace.

The loss can be palpable.

Comfort and perspective on this score abound in 2 Tim. 4:9-18.

⁹Do your best to come to me soon. ¹⁰For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. ¹¹Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. ¹²Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus. ¹³When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments. ¹⁴Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. ¹⁵Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message. ¹⁶At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them! ¹⁷But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. ¹⁸The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Paul writes from death row. He experienced a degree of relational loss which defies the imagination. You are aware that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes. All who are in Asia? Really? Good grief! Which of us can claim that much pain from abandonment?

Comfort Insight #1

Gospel partnerships matter—a lot. Can you feel Paul’s sense of urgency. Do your best to come to me soon. He needs Timothy badly, just like we need one another.

Comfort Insight #2

Gospel defections hurt—a lot. Paul longs for Timothy because Demas bailed on him. Some worldly tractor beam locked on and lured the man away. How is this a comfort? In my experience, normally God’s servants move on for mostly reasonable or at least relatively benign reasons. Fortunately we don’t often feel the sting of wholesale defection from the faith. When it does happen however, it can crush us.

Comfort Insight #3

Gospel assignments change—a lot. Paul’s “who’s who” near the close of his version of a last will and testament reads like a Rick Steves’ travel log. The record shows servants moving all over the Empire. Here’s the deal. The sovereign God moves the pieces on the board according to His own good pleasure for His own good purposes in His own good timing (Psalm 115:3). We bow the knee and cover our mouths that we not sin with our lips.

Comfort Insight #4

Gospel reinforcements compensate—a lot. Paul sees in the changing landscape of partners a choice opportunity to bring John Mark out of the missionary doghouse and back into the battle (Acts 15:36-39). Very useful for service, he calls him. We’ve already seen God add some choice additions to fill critical posts at our church. We can expect more just as we can expect even more departures. God is good on both counts.

Comfort Insight #5

Gospel transitions galvanize—a lot. Or they can. When servants came and went, good reasons or bad, Paul testified that the Lord stood by Him at every turn and gave him strength. What a testimony! If the comings and goings of God’s people in our churches prompt us to draw nearer to Jesus and the strength He supplies, then we’ve gleaned something very good from that which often hits us very hard.

Has your church recently undergone some redeployment of its most valuable resource—people? Look to the Lord to stand by your side and give you strength. And double down on your community commitments with those servants His good grace permits you to retain. They need you more than ever.

But bank on this: He will bring choice reinforcements in His own good time. Until then, He gives and takes away; blessed be His name.

Dear Josh

January 18, 2016January 18, 2017 / revheff / 7 Comments

Josh and Me (2)

Hey, bud.

Two years ago today. Goes by fast. Your damaged heart gave out. Cut down in your prime. I’ll never forget the moment I walked through the door that Saturday afternoon. Your mom trembled the horrific news of our loss. I suspect that scene will never dim in my mind’s eye.

Grief gets easier and it doesn’t. Losing you still ranks first among the hardest things I’ve ever endured. Difficult to imagine anything worse. I’ve said it so many times. No one should have to bury their child.

Honestly, son, things haven’t gotten a whole lot easier since that traumatic day. Oh don’t get me wrong. The Lord has blessed us beyond what we deserve in 2014 and 15. Two of His best gifts are named Blaise and Olivia! How about these cuties?!

But December of 2014 hit hard. Mom got diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. Since surgery that month she’s worked hard via natural methods to beat the remaining rogue cells in her body. Just today she went to a new doc in Lakeland for the fourth or fifth time. He wants her to have a PET scan ASAP to determine just where we stand. We hope to nail down an appointment for that sometime later this week. Lots of prayers by tons of people going heavenward for Ma. So grateful for all the support.

I’m not without my own issues. Long story, but the gist of things is this. I’ve got a busted jaw. I know the irony of that doesn’t escape you. Preacher’s got a bum mandible! It’s a result of the radiation treatment for my head and neck cancer in 2005. Surgeons plan to replace the dead bone with a titanium plate on February 15. I wrote all about that here. I’m thinking of changing my new Twitter address to @robojaw. What do you think?

For the time being I’m on total medical leave from my duties at the church AGAIN. I’ve seen this movie before back in 2005. I work at my writing mostly, when pain and fatigue allow. But preaching, talking, counseling to any degree? Completely out of the question.

As you can imagine one does a lot of thinking/reflecting when largely confined to the house awaiting a jaw replacement. I keep coming back to the things I miss so much.

Like kissing your mom. Don’t give me that look. You know how crazy I am about her. Do you have any idea how much the jaw comes into play for even the slightest peck on the lips? It’s so frustrating. I do not like in the least this hindrance to our closeness.

Then how about eating? Let me tell you about feasting or the lack thereof. I cannot chew a blessed thing. Nary a bite. I dream about chomping on a blue corn chip, dining on a medium rare ribeye, or even gumming a Five Guys french fry. Can’t do it. The menu these days consists strictly of slush and mush. Nice weight loss plan but I don’t recommend it to anyone.

By the way, I wanted to keep up the tradition I started last year by dining at Emeril’s today. Dear Michelle even posted on my Facebook wall a gracious invitation to lunch. It hurt to decline, though I did ask for a rain check. I went to see finally the new Star Wars movie instead. I’m glad I waited until this anniversary day to check it out . You loved the saga so much. I think mostly you would have enjoyed episode 7. It was a comfort to me, but not at all like having Fabian serve me one of those mouthwatering duck tacos and reminiscing with him and the other terrific staff at the restaurant.

I could go on, but I’ll finish with the issue of my preaching. I had to stop cold in the middle of my series on Gen. 14. It just hurt too much to speak for any length of time. I’m on the bench, riding the pines, while others occupy MY pulpit Sunday in and Sunday out. Not fair!

Josh, I thought, I hoped, I dared believe maybe I learned in ’05 some of these lessons related to good things that I so readily turn into god things so that they become bad things. Perhaps not as much as Jesus thinks necessary for me. I just have to keep learning and relearning the main thing . . .

Jesus is enough.

My joy, contentment, satisfaction can’t depend on the presence or absence of God’s good gifts. I need to grow more in saying with Paul in Phil. 4:11-13 that I have learned the secret of being content. I need to sing with the poet more earnestly these words in Psalm 73:25-26.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Lips out of commission? Jesus is enough.

Feasting off the table? Jesus is enough.

Preaching out of the question? Jesus is enough.

Maybe I’ll get it through my thick head and slow heart this time, dude. One can only hope.

By the way, this father misses you terribly, but, and I think you won’t take this the wrong way . . .

Jesus is still enough.

He is gloriously, powerfully, graciously, abundantly, and savingly enough.

Something I’ll Never Say Again

January 12, 2015January 18, 2017 / revheff / 3 Comments

Never say never. We all know the proverb. I, for one, hereby defy conventional wisdom. I will never say something again as long as I live.

“I can’t imagine anything harder.”

Why? Because every time I do something new comes down the pike that redefines hardness for me.

I said it when I broke free from the authority-cult like church I belonged to as a young follower of Jesus.

Then I had to quit my first church pastoral assignment due to chronic fatigue. That was harder. Couldn’t imagine anything more difficult. Wrong.

For reasons far too complicated to unpack, I resigned from the only church plant I ever founded back in 1998. We left Central Florida for Idaho. No way anything would be tougher than that. Guess again.

Head and neck cancer in 2005. Surgery, radiation, chemo. May I quote my medical oncologist? “We sent you to hell and back to save your life.” Indeed they did. What a miserable year. Hard, harder, hardest. Uh, not so fast.

“Josh is dead.” Six days from now will mark the one year anniversary of our great loss. Every day lately I find myself thinking something like this: one year ago today my son had a week left to live, ___________ days. It’s excruciating counting down the days to remembering the worst possible news. Or was it?

My bride with ovarian cancer. You’re kidding? It’s not possible. I don’t believe is. Oh, yes it it. You’d better believe it.

I give in. This is easily the hardest yet. Hardness to the nth degree. Uncle. I give in. I’ll never say it again. I don’t even want to imagine something harder than this baffling turn of events.

Alright, now that I’ve vented my lament, what is this man, husband, father, pastor, follower of Jesus to do? I have only one answer. It has always been the answer and it will forever remain the answer by God’s grace.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

How grateful I am today to have come across this Puritan prayer entitled simply “Refuge.” It corrals my runaway thoughts and emotions to send them heavenward:

O Lord, Whose power is infinite and wisdom infallible, order things that they may neither hinder, nor discourage me, nor prove obstacles to the progress of Your cause. Stand between me and all strife, that no evil befall, no sin corrupt my gifts, zeal, attainments. May I follow duty and not any foolish device of my own. Permit me not to labour at work which You will not bless, that I may serve You without disgrace or debt. Let me dwell in Your most secret place under Your shadow, where is safe impenetrable protection from the arrow that flies by day, the pestilence that walks in darkness, the strife of tongues, the malice of ill-will, the hurt of unkind talk, the snares of company, the perils of youth, the temptations of middle life, the mournings of old age, the fear of death. I am entirely dependent upon You for support, counsel, consolation. Uphold me by Your free Spirit, and may I not think it enough to be preserved from falling, but may I always go forward, always abounding in the work You give me to do. Strengthen me by Your Spirit in my inner self for every purpose of my Christian life. All my jewels I give to the shadow of the safety that is in You—my name anew in Christ, my body, soul, talents, character, my success, wife, children, friends, work, my present, my future, my end. Take them, they are Yours, and I am Yours, now and for ever.