conflict

FORGIVE OR ELSE

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Grappling with One of the Scariest Lines in the Bible

“I need to work on my grace and forgiveness.” With that candid confession, my friend summed up his feelings about a longtime unresolved conflict with once close friends. No doubt you can relate. Few, if any of us, escape the pain of broken relationships that show no sign of mending.

What to do? Take your cue from my friend. Why? Because Jesus threatens terrifying consequences if we fail to forgive. In the Lord’s instruction about how to pray in Matthew’s gospel, the fifth petition reads: And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors (6:12). This petition alone gets an appendix—a footnote, if you will—from Jesus at the end of the prayer. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (emphasis added, 14-15).

Grapple with this sobering reality. Forgive or else. Holding fast to an unforgiving spirit toward anyone puts you at risk of eternal punishment. Martyn-Lloyd Jones explains:

The proof that you and I are forgiven is that we forgive others. If we think that our sins are forgiven by God and we refuse to forgive somebody else, we are making a mistake; we have never been forgiven. The man who knows he has been forgiven, only in and through the blood of Christ, is a man who must forgive others. He cannot help himself. If we really know Christ as our Saviour our hearts are broken and cannot be hard, and we cannot refuse forgiveness. If you are refusing forgiveness to anybody, I suggest that you have never been forgiven.

This is the emphasis of Ephesians 4:32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. And again, in Colossians 3:12-13: Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

John Piper concurs:

God’s forgiveness is underneath ours and creates it and supports it. So that if we don’t give it to others—if we go on in an unforgiving spirit—what we show is that God is not there in our lives. We are not trusting him. And not trusting him will keep us out of heaven. And cause us to be handed over to the tormentors.

Consider five takeaways to help guard against unforgiveness, adapted from Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker.

One, remember God’s forgiveness. Focus often on just how much God has forgiven you. Beware of taking God’s mercy to you for granted while withholding it from others. The sins of others against us are not more serious than our sins against God. If the Holy Spirit is convicting you today of unforgiveness toward someone, admit it to the Lord, believe the gospel of grace once more which covers that sin, and obey again in the freedom from resentment only He can give. Perhaps you’ve never turned from your sin to trust in Christ. He paid the price for every fault including bitterness and resentment. Come to Him by faith today for forgiveness and get right with God. He’ll give you a new heart and the power to be gracious and forgiving toward others.

Two, practice the virtue of overlooking. Proverbs 19:11 says, Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. The more we practice takeaway #1, seeing and savoring God’s forgiveness of us, the more likely we are to forgive a multitude of sins unilaterally in others. Of course, that is not always possible. In that case . . .

Three, distinguish between two stages of forgiveness. Ideally forgiveness is granted to a confession and repentance for an offense (Luke 17:3-4). That’s transactional forgiveness. But that doesn’t always happen right away and sometimes never happens in this lifetime. While you wait, rely on God’s strength to practice a dispositional forgiveness. This is an attitude that stands ready to transact forgiveness upon repentance with a Jesus-like on the cross “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” kind of grace and mercy (Luke 23:34).

Four, claim Romans 8:28—God working for your good. Even the wrongs others do to us have a plan in God’s sovereignty. Ken Sande writes: When you perceive that the person who has wronged you is being used as an instrument in God’s hand to help you mature, serve others, and glorify him, it may be easier for you to move ahead with forgiveness.

Five, draw on God’s strength. You can’t do this on your own. Try as you might, especially in the face of the worst of offenses, to forgive without God’s mercy and grace empowering you, guarantees failure and bondage to bitterness. But a Philippians 4:13—I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me—dependence enables forgiveness of even the worst of offenses.

We followers of Jesus are the most forgiven people in the world. We should therefore be the most forgiving people in the world through Christ and the hope of His glorious gospel. There is no right praying without that. Scarier still, there is no legitimate salvation assurance without it as well.

PURITAN PEACEMAKING

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The Best of Jeremiah Burroughs on Matthew 5:9


Upon retirement I gave away a number of books from my personal library. Among the ones I kept and that lately has captured a part of my quiet time reflection comes from the pen of Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs (1599-1646). The Saints’ Happiness: Forty-One Sermons on the Beatitudes, includes no less than four messages on Matthew 5:9.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

In this post, I have captured a sample of Burrough’s best on this subject so crucial to a legitimate claim to the identity child of God. Read and pursue your happiness, saint!

It is interesting to note the placement of this Beatitude—it is the seventh in order. In Proverbs 6, we find a list of seven things that the Lord hates, and the seventh item mentioned is “one who sows discord among brethren.” In contrast to God’s hatred, the seventh blessing pronounced is upon the peace-makers.

Those who keep themselves pure, with clean hearts and consciences, are peaceable and capable of making peace with others.

A contrary disposition—one that is stubborn and perverse—is cursed. But a peaceable, gentle, and quiet disposition is blessed. Moreover, it is even more blessed to be an instrument in bringing about peace in the places where we live and among those with whom we interact. In the present times, there is a great need for peace-makers.

Blessed are those who, having experienced the blessedness of peace themselves and having obtained peace with God, earnestly desire to bring others into reconciliation with Him. Blessed is the person who, in a gracious manner, labors to draw others into peace with God and whom God blesses in these endeavors.

Jesus Christ’s heart is so committed to being a peace-maker between the world and God that He willingly sheds His blood and even becomes a curse. Consider, you children of men, the vast distance that existed between God and you, and how Christ— both God and man—had to intervene to make peace between you and God. He shed His blood and became a curse to accomplish this great work of God. This, my brethren, is the great mystery of godliness. We should spend our days in admiration, standing, wondering, and blessing our Saviour, the great peace-maker.

To meddle with the subject of peace between man and man is one of the most challenging tasks for any minister, especially during such times. It is difficult because people’s hearts are impure, filled with filth and uncleanness, and how does one go about making peace with them? It is difficult because hardly anyone can bring themselves to acknowledge that they are in any way responsible for the lack of peace among others.

A person who wishes to meddle in matters of peace among others must first ensure that their own relationship with God is well. They must possess a peaceable disposition themselves. If someone of a froward or turbulent disposition were to speak of peace and denounce divisions, everyone would be ready to challenge them. They must exhibit much self-denial, not considering themselves or their own party in any way, but aiming purely for God’s glory and the public good. Therefore, it is evidence of much grace in the heart, and thus the person is blessed. They are blessed when they handle matters wisely, prudently, and graciously.

When you are tempted to a fit of passion, know that the devil expects a great deal of sin to follow. Now blessed are the peace-makers, for they are the means to prevent an abundance of sin. That is a most blessed thing. What greater blessing can a person have than to be an instrument in preventing sin? It is a blessed thing to prevent even one sin, but to be an instrument in preventing so much sin must undoubtedly be blessed.

Blessed are the peace-makers, for they are instrumental for God in a work that He greatly delights in. When you read the Scriptures, you will find no duty more emphasized, backed by arguments, motives, and persuasions, and no duty that has stronger exhortations than peace. Read the Epistles to the Philippians, Ephesians, Colossians, Romans, and Corinthians, and you will consistently find that peace is what the Holy Spirit most persuades men to pursue. Even Christ Himself, the great peace-maker, is concerned not only with peace between God and us but also between man and man.

If people do not have wicked and vile hearts, when their corruption is stirred, and they have bitter thoughts and desperate resolutions, if God sends a person of peace to them—someone who approaches them with a calm and peaceable spirit, persuades them with scripture, and quells their boiling emotions, cooling their passionate hearts and dampening their desperate resolutions—then, if they are not desperately wicked, they will see cause to bless God for it. They will say, “Well, blessed be God who sent such a person to prevent me. I now see that I would have done something I would have later regretted.”

Want to read more? You can access an eBook version on Monergism. More to come soon in a series of posts.

EAGER IS AS EAGER DOES

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Eleven Marks of Do-It-Best Peacemakers


Remember that classic Forrest Gump quote? “Stupid is as stupid does.” The same goes for any subject we consider. The proof is in the doing.

I built my book around the Ephesian 4:3 call to the all-important doing of guarding church unity.

Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful]. Amplified Bible

Do your best to maintain the unity of the Spirit by means of the bond of peace. International Standard Version

Eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. English Standard Version

Whatever the translation—eager, make every effort, do your best—we get the point. Nothing less than our very best effort will suffice as guardians of peace in the local church.

To that end, please test your eager-is-as-eager-does quotient by these eleven marks of peacemaking excellence:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart (Col. 3:15).

Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs said it well: “There is nothing makes a man or woman to be of a peaceable disposition more than when they find satisfaction within their own hearts.” The Christian relishes no greater delight than knowing he has peace with God having been justified by faith (Rom. 5:1). When that reality rules the heart, a peaceable disposition impacts how we engage challenging relationships.

Pray passionately for peace among God’s people (John 17:21).

Intercede often for this. Ask, seek, and knock with petitions that plead with the Lord to protect the peace and purity of your church. We do not have because we do not ask (James 4:2). Consider praying something like David did in Psalm 122:6-9:


Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! “May they be secure who love you! Peace be within your walls and security within your towers!” For my brothers and companions’ sake I will say, “Peace be within you!” For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your good.

Get equipped with tools for effective conflict resolution (Heb. 12:14).

Tap into helpful resources which can outfit you with specific tools for peacemaking. Follow Ken Sande at RW360 for cultivating relational wisdom making you more God-aware, self-aware, and others-aware. Read books like Resolving Everyday Conflict, Christ-Centered Conflict Resolution, The Peacemaker, The Peacemaking Pastor, and more.

Take up the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20).

Do not be ignorant of Satan’s schemes (2 Cor. 2:11)! He delights to divide (Matt. 12:22-28). Your fight is not ultimately with your brother you can see, but with your archenemy you can’t see. Use all the mighty weapons of your warfare (2 Cor 10:4).

Walk in the Spirit, not in the flesh (Gal. 5:16).

Guard your heart from the deceitfulness of sin. Conflict often reveals you to be your own worst enemy. Extract any logs in your own eye before attempting surgery on the specks in your brother’s (Matt. 7:3-5). Determine to be controlled only by the Holy Spirit and to manifest His fruit at all times (Gal. 5:22-23). Do whatever it takes on your part to make peace with others (Rom. 12:18). You may only be 2% responsible in a conflict, but you are 100% responsible for your 2%.

Balance truth and love (Eph. 4:15).

Never sacrifice gospel truth in the name of love, but never champion biblical truth at the expense of love. You may end up no better than a good-for-nothing clanging cymbal or noisy gong (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Often the manner in which you engage a conflict matters as much, if not more, than the issue at stake.

Look out for others’ interests (Phil. 2:3-4).

Don’t fixate on the opposing positions which present within a conflict. Explore the underlying concerns which often illuminate the why behind some desired outcome. Ask probing questions to draw out motives of the heart. Idols get revealed, compromises get made, and agreement gets reached when we care for more than our own interests.

Enlist help from others (Phil. 4:2-3).

When individual peacemaking efforts stall, ascend higher up conflict’s slippery slope to pursue assisted peacemaking. Ask a pastor, counselor, or mature believer with some knowledge and skill in this area to help mediate the dispute. Two are better than one (Ecc. 4:9-12).

Expect to be tested (1 Cor. 11:17-22).

Don’t be surprised by divisions and schisms in the church when they occur. Jesus warned about the inevitability of testing/temptations (Matt. 18:7). By necessity they sift the flock to separate the genuine from the bogus. Peacemakers shine forth in such crises by the way they pass the tests which threaten unity.

Never ultimately leave the church (1 John 2:19).

Conflicts within the church can and do inflict serious wounds. No wonder Paul calls us to patient forbearing (Eph. 4:2) with our brothers and sisters’ faults! That said, some circumstances may result in the need to change churches, but please never entertain the notion of abandoning local church participation entirely. She is God’s Plan A for accomplishing the Great Commission (Matt. 16:18).

Trust God and His purposes (Rom. 8:28-29; 1 Cor. 10:31).

Keep perspective. God is never outdone. Conflict is not an accident; it’s an assignment from God to honor and glorify him, to grow in Christlikeness, and to love and serve others. He will always use it for your good no matter how hard the task at hand.

Well, how do you stack up? Where might you up your eager-for-unity game in moving forward? I challenge you to focus on just one thing from the list for the next forty days in the interest of the peace and good of your local church.

I’d love to pray for you. Please message me with your request in the comment section below.

WHEN CHRISTIANS DISAGREE

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A Review of Dr. Tim Cooper’s Book (Crossway, 2024)


Subtitled “Lessons from the Fractured Relationship of John Owen and Richard Baxter,” this helpful peacemaking resource opens with a spoiler alert: “There is no happy ending.” In these 167 pages, readers face a reality check.

Relationships rupture even among the best of believers. With this summary tale from seventeenth century English Christianity, we force down a bitter pill: two of church history’s giant leaders bickered over decades only to bog down “into a fixed and mutual dislike.”

They went to glory unreconciled. No happy ending indeed. Before reading further or after, you may wish to view here for a biblical account with a happier conclusion:

Or perhaps not entirely sad, if we learn the lessons that a four-hundred-year-past dispute offers. Cooper wrote this book with just that aim in mind. He performs a thorough Owen/Baxter relational postmortem. He records insightful observations and practical conclusions for negotiating our own context of conflict.

You need not fear the theological and historical sections interspersed throughout the book. They provide the necessary contexts for gleaning the peacemaking takeaways to be had. The rewards warrant any effort required by those who feel challenged by such content.

Cooper writes charitably. While leaning hard into Owen and Baxter’s faults for the purposes of this study, he doesn’t fail to remind us of the many virtues and gospel good works on display in their stories—both literarily and pastorally. They were indeed two good men, but like all of us, a mixed bag.

What follows this balanced disclaimer is a dissection of multiple forces—outside their control—which profoundly shaped the men over time. The author argues persuasively for how these things contributed to their relational demise.

He details their experience of a civil war, their geographical settings, their contrasting personalities, their theological debates (argued in print), their initial contact, their eventual in-person collision (ironically in a project designed to foster unity and mend division), and, last but not least, their lingering memory of past hurts that left them both bitter and resentful. Good grief! What a mess. Sound familiar? If so, you need to read this book.

You will find particularly helpful, as did I, the book’s conclusion. Cooper muses over five possibilities which may have resulted in a happy ending, not a sad one. What if there had been a mediator to assist them? What if they had focused more on what held them together and less on what drove them apart? What if they had paid more attention to the many Bible verses which summon us to unity and concord? What if they had manifested greater humility and less pride in their dealings with one another? Ouch! What if they could see what we can see with the advantage of distance and hindsight?

Do we see? If so, Dr. Cooper will have achieved his aim: “In understanding their story, perhaps we can better understand our own narratives. If we can see what they missed, perhaps we will have a much clearer idea of what we may be missing.”

Amen to that.

A JOYFUL PRIVILEGE

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My Opportunity to Preach this Sunday at OGC

Two years ago August I stepped aside from my role as pastor-teacher at Orlando Grace Church.

This Sunday, September 20, 2020, I have the joy to return to that pulpit for the first time in two years. God’s timing is always perfect.

I plan to preach from Acts 15:36-41. The title of the message is “When Relationships Rupture.”

Service are at 9:30 AM and 11:00 AM. Much prayer is coveted for the morning!

Jan will be with me (OF COURSE!) and it would be our great delight to greet any who are free to join us.

COVID-19’S OTHER THREAT

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Heading Off Social Distancing of a Different Kind 

Social distancing (with a measure)

Our church reopened last Sunday! After six long, challenging weeks of stay-at-home lockdown, we eagerly gathered for worship in stage one of Idaho’s Rebound plan.

Given health risks, we observed safety protocols. Everything got sanitized. Social distancing was employed. We cancelled our regular weekly luncheon together.

Thankfully we survived week one of the new abnormal—but it wasn’t easy. Honestly, last week was the toughest this pastor pushed through thus far in his short tenure at Trinity.

Health issues aside, another threat posed by the pandemic tends to keep me awake at night.

One blogger astutely asked: “What will it matter if we re-assimilate only to end up ‘socially distant’ again not because of a virus, but because of our inability to love others who approach COVID-19 differently than we do?”

Great question!

Consider four ways to minimize the looming relational risks.

One, Pray for Leaders

Someone has to call the ball. Sheep are not stupid; they are dependent on good shepherds to serve them. Wisdom is needed everywhere.

Paul pleads of first importance “that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people–for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way (1 Tim. 2:1-2).”

What might change if we pray more for leaders at every level than we post criticism on social media about their judgments?

Two, Be Patient

I’m in Indiana Jones mode these days—making things up as I go along! They don’t teach “Pastoring in Pandemics” in seminary.

I feel in over my head. This thing seems way above my paygrade. The challenge to get things right grows bigger each day.

Leaders need followers who remember the first mark of love is patience (1 Cor. 13:4).

Three, Do Peacemaking

Opinions on all things COVID abound. With them comes the potential for sharp disagreements. What are we to do?

Of all the conciliatory principles I could cite, I suggest at least these three guidelines for avoiding falling out with others, if at all possible.

“Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” (Rom. 14:5).

“Let us not pass judgment on one another” (Rom. 14:13).

“Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you” (Rom. 15:7).

We need to give others a wide berth in figuring things out, in the same way we desire for them to treat us (Matt. 7:12).

Four, Keep Perspective 

Days after Nancy, my first wife, died of cancer, a lunatic gunned down 49 souls at Orlando’s Pulse nightclub.

KLTY radio 94.9 in Dallas-Ft. Worth asked me the ultimate question. Why? Among my answers: We live in a sin-broken world. Romans 8:22 explains: “the whole creation has been groaning in the pains of childbirth until now.”

Hardships like COVID shout to us, “This is not the way things are supposed to be. But it is not the way things will always be.” “We wait eagerly for adoption as sons” (Rom. 8:23).

Jesus will come again to make all things new! That’s the big-picture perspective.

Hope for that—but wait for it with patience (Rom. 8:25).

Question: What’s one thing which helps you love others with whom you differ?

BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS

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A Message at Crosswalk Church in Daytona Beach, Florida

It was my great joy and privilege this past Sunday as a guest preacher to bring a sermon about my passion for preserving church unity.

Many thanks to Pastor Mitch Pridgen and the Crosswalk family for the warm welcome and enthusiastic reception.

Fair warning–the video above is relatively long.

My friend begins with a gracious and very kind introduction.

He then has me introduce Jan, who proceeds to play and sing her original song, “Welcome Back to the Throne of Grace.”

If you check out any of this, watch her minister so very well. You will be blessed!

Given the length, the very end of my message does not appear online, but that was about my book and the copies I made available to the church.

Please pray that the Lord uses them in the lives of these precious saints.

I remain incredibly grateful for this new season in my life and ministry where I get to spread a passion for the God of peace and the unity of the church for which the Prince of Peace died and made into one body.

A HELPFUL WEAPON FOR WAGING PEACE

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A Review of “The Path of a Peacemaker”

Our age abounds with peace-breaking tension.

Internationally, the streets of Hong Kong and the Strait of Hormuz–just to name two–know life-threatening tension.

Nationally, our nation’s capitol reverberates with rancor and division over immigration policy and a host of other clashing views.

Evangelically, the Reformed camp struggles with sharp disagreement such as I have never seen in my pastoral lifetime over issues of ethnic diversity, social justice, and racial reconciliation.

And these say nothing of the other forms of conflict and disunity that affect our communities, churches, homes, and relationships of all kinds.

path of a peacemakerThankfully, Brian Noble of Peacemaker Ministries has contributed another helpful weapon to the peacemaking arsenal for fighting the good fight of peace in any context. The Path of a Peacemaker: Your Biblical Guide to Healthy Relationships, Conflict Resolution, and a Life of Peace (Baker, 2019, 238 pages) turns the tables on tension early on in its pages. Noble relates his own tension-filled upbringing story and how God used it as a positive force in his journey.

He then proceeds to develop in detail a four-part rubric for navigating tension born of conflict to positive, peacemaking ends.

He guides the reader through one, story–tell our stories together; two, ascend–pray and read Scripture together; three, reflect–take personal responsibility; and connect–ask, confess, seek, and forgive. He encourages the reader:

A path of a peacemaker conversation is not about perfection. It’s about being willing. It’s about being vulnerable. It’s about being sincere in seeking peace. It’s about caring enough to involve yourself in something that—let’s face it—could be uncomfortable (194).

I particularly appreciated Noble’s repeated emphasis on the importance of humility (I’ve suffered my share of failure with my prideful nature) at every point on the peacemaking path.

Citing Jesus’s example in John 8:1-11 he writes: “Humility has the power to change everything. It is one of the most important lessons we can learn from Jesus. Jesus changed the world with humility” (101).

Brian Noble writes well. He relates stories effectively to bring home his points. He excels in the practical. The questions he suggests asking for connecting in the chapter on forgiveness could be worth the price of the book!

Noble includes plenty of biblical references pertinent to a sound peacemaking theology. He does not make it his purpose to delve deeply in exegetical study. But he writes on solid theological ground–including his appeal to the gospel as the means and power for putting the path of a peacemaker into process.

traveler at the edge of a cliff with amazing view behind him

You have to love where he lands the plane:

Even though this book is based on a set of steps to help you find peace with someone you’ve been warring with, it’s not about the process. The process is just a means to an end. What really matters is action. When you invite someone to sit and talk about something that has hurt you, that’s taking action. When you forgive someone who’s hurt you, that’s taking action. When you make amends for some offense, that’s taking action.

Buy the book. Master the process. Walk the path.

Question: What area of relational tension would you hope this blog might address in future posts?

WHEN YOU CAN’T OVERLOOK

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How to Have a Difficult Conversation without It Blowing Up in Your Face

My post The Beauty of Overlooking stressed fighting anger with magnanimous forgiveness.

The follow-up post When Overlooking Is No Glory unpacked diagnostic questions to determine the difference between active overlooking and passive denial.

Soldier in full combat ammunition pulls a check from a grenade.

Now, how do we proceed with a difficult conversation with someone who offends without escalating conflict?

Douglas Stone and company, in their book Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most, nailed the challenge at hand:

Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade. Coated with sugar, thrown hard or soft, a hand grenade is still going to do damage. Try as you may, there’s no way to throw a hand grenade with tact or to outrun the consequences. And keeping it to yourself is no better. Choosing not to deliver a difficult message is like hanging on to the hand grenade once you’ve pulled the pin. So we feel stuck. We need advice that is more powerful than “Be diplomatic” or “Try to stay positive.” The problems run deeper than that; so must the answers.

Galatians 6:1 gives us four deep answers.

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

Remember Your Goal 

If you think someone has sinned against you, then they’ve gotten caught in a transgression. Your goal is not to vent; it’s to restore.

Don’t just look out for your own interest in repairing the harm done to you. Aim for his best interest in escaping the trap which has ensnared him (Phil. 2:3-4).

Walk in the Spirit

Offenses often trigger fleshly reactions–especially fits of anger (Gal. 5:20). Work them through BEFORE the difficult conversation. That might take some time.

Ask the Lord to fill you with the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) and to keep you in step with the Spirit all the way through the difficult conversation (Gal. 5:25).

Be Gentle

Paul stresses this aspect of the fruit of the Spirit for these assignments. Gentleness tempers an approach, lessening hand grenade impact.

Ask questions way more than making judgments. I love to lead such conversations with something like: “Remember that thing you said/did that time? What was going on there? Can you help me understand what that was about?”

Strive not to put others on the defensive; make them a partner in solving the matter.

Inventory your Contribution

You may have sinned, however slightly, so as to affect the situation. Heed Jesus’s instruction to remove any logs from your own eye (Matt. 7:3-5).

A preemptive, legitimate confession goes a long way to deffusing bomb threats to the conversation. You may only be 20% responsible for the conflict, but you are 100% responsible for your 20%.

It shocks me how often folks tell me how they’ve been hurt by others but never talked to the offender about it.

When you can’t overlook an offense, the best advice is TALK TO THE PERSON (Matt. 18:15)!

Just take care how you do it. Leave the hand grenades behind.

Question: What is something that has helped you navigate difficult conversations?

HAPPINESS IS BEING A PEACEMAKER

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Why Jesus Stressed Peacemaking in Our Pursuit of Happiness

I majored in theater at Penn State back in the day.

My favorite show was “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown.” I played the lead role—the blockhead himself—Charlie Brown. Type casting no doubt!

The musical’s theme song, “Happiness” features a litany of things from pizza with sausage to climbing a tree that make for true happiness.

But Lucy and Linus join voices with the best lyric in the tune singing, “getting along.” Happiness is getting along.

It reminds me of a sermon Jesus preached about happiness. He proclaimed nine virtues which make for kingdom happiness called the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:2-12). Each begins with the word “blessed.”

The seventh focuses on the joy of getting along in relationships. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (5:9).

Happy, fortunate, enviable—all synonyms for “blessed”—are those who determine to get along with others whenever possible and help others do the same.

Conflict impacts everyone. No one escapes differences which can lead to relational breakdowns.

Danger Mines Sign

I get this. In only my second elder meeting at my new church recently, I stepped on a conflict landmine. A lack of sensitivity on my part about a painful conflict in their past history ended a way-to-short honeymoon. Sigh.

It happens to all of us–even guys who dare to write books on preserving unity! Oh the irony. What to do? I asked the Lord to help me gear up once again as a peacemaker. I suspect it won’t be the last time either.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus stresses that true happiness belongs to those who prioritize pursuing peace with others–no matter how often they must do so.

Other New Testament texts echo this. The apostle Paul pleads, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). The writer to the Hebrews exhorts, “Strive for peace with everyone, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14).

Why is peacemaking a kingdom of God true happiness virtue? The answer comes in the rest of Matthew 5:9— “for they shall be called sons of God.”

Working hard at maintaining oneness and repairing brokenness—whether with family, friends, or adversaries–gets us the blessing of being called children of God. It gives evidence that we belong to the God of peace who sent the Prince of Peace with the message of the gospel of peace reconciling us to himself.

There is no greater happiness than that. Are you known as a peacemaker? Would others say that about you? If so, take it from Jesus. You are blessed!

For a quick checkup and loads of resources to help you pursue your joy as a peacemaker, click on Biblical Peacemaking at Ken Sande’s website www.rw360.

Question: What principle or insight has helped you experience happiness as a biblical peacemaker?