BONHOEFFERS MORNING PRAYER

January 1, 2015 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: birth, cancer, grief, lessons, New Year, prayer, reflection, twins Leave a comment

New Year’s Day, 2015. Time to reflect back in hopes of moving forward.

2014 started miserably with death in January. Grief took up an unwelcome residence in our household. Lesson learned? The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21).

The year peaked sweetly with blessing in July. Twin grand kids. It doesn’t get much better. Lesson learned? There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2).

We crash dived hard with sickness in December. Cancer again. But this time attacking the queen. Lesson learned? Being learned? Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4).

Why must it be so hard? How does one press on into another year when the first Friday will bring another doctor’s visit and the prospect of more bad news?

Turn everlastingly Godward.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer did. Imprisoned in Nazi Germany for opposing Hitler’s Third Reich, he wrote his famous treatise, Letters from Prison. It proved a great comfort to me time and again when I read it during my cancer journey in 2005. A friend of mine recently sent me a copy of Bonhoeffer’s Morning Prayer (see below). The German pastor read it to his fellow prisoners that Christmas morning in 1943. My friend wrote a note with it expressing his hope it would strengthen me and Nancy in, as he put it, “this latest chapter in your life.”

It did. It does. Thanks, Mike.

May it do the same for you, dear reader, whatever 2015 brings to your household.

MORNING PRAYER

Christmas, 1943

God, to you I call early in the morning.

Help me pray

And gather my thoughts to yourself

I cannot do it alone.

In me it is dark,

But with you is the light;

I am lonely, but you forsake me not;

I am faint-hearted, but with you is help;

I am restless, but with you is peace;

In me is bitterness, but with you is patience;

I do not understand my way, but

You know the way for me.

Father in Heaven,
Praise and thanks
Be yours for the night’s rest.
Praise and thanks be your for the new day.
Praise and thanks be yours for all your kindness
And faithfulness in my past life.
You have shown me much good,
Let me now receive from your hand
What is hard (emphasis mine).
You will not lay upon me
More than I can bear.
For your children you let all things
Serve for the best.

Lord Jesus Christ,
You were poor
And miserable, captive and forsaken as I am.
You know every need of humans,
You remain with me
When no man stands by me,
You forget me not and seek me,
You will that I recognize you
And turn to you.
Lord, I hear your call and follow,
Help me!

Holy Spirit,
Give me the faith that rescues me from
Despair, addictions, and vice,
Give me the love for God and humans,
That destroys all hate and bitterness,
Give me the hope that frees me from
Fear and despondency.

Holy, merciful God,
My Creator and my Savior,
My Judge and my Deliverer,
You know me and everything I do.
You hate and punish evil in this world
And in the next with no respect of persons;
You forgive sins for the one
Who asks sincerely;
You love good and reward it on this
Earth with a good conscience
And in the world to come
With the crown of righteousness.

Before you I think of all my loved ones,
And of my fellow prisoners, and of all those
Who do their hard service in this house.
Lord, have mercy!
Grant me freedom again,
And let me so live in the present
That I can live responsibly
Before humans.
Lord, whatever else this day brings—
May your name be praised!
Amen.

Why I Won’t Stay in the Woods

October 7, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: Calling, commitments, integrity, responsibility Leave a comment

Before long, Lord willing, Nancy and I will return to our beloved refuge in Idaho. I make no bones about the fact that living in Florida leaves me cold. Or should I say hot. I’m no flat lander; I way prefer rugged peaks. So why stay put when paradise beckons?

Easy. I know the answer. But lately I was reminded of it in a more eloquent way than usual. It came in the form of one of the poems in the last neighborhood book club.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

“But I have promises to keep.” Those words constrain me. They will not let me go.

Jesus said in Matt,. 5:37, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Psalm 15:4 warns, “A righteous man swears to his own hurt and doesn’t change.” Paul declares in 1 Cor. 6:20, “You are not your own; you are bought with a price.” A man is known by his integrity demonstrated in kept commitments.

As much as I love the Pacific Northwest, all my obligations lie on the East Coast. Aging parents, surviving son, grandchildren – including newborn twins, and a flock to shepherd. Lovely, dark, and deep though the woods may be out west, God’s call back east trumps them all.

Does the prospect of evening snowy woods tempt you to ditch your responsibilities? Don’t even think about it. Stop by the occasional forest for sure. Take in the beauty. Enjoy the respite. But keep your promises and finish the miles to go before you sleep and hear words you will never regret from Matt. 25:23: “Well done good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master.”

Abraham Lincoln Walks at Midnight

September 29, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: leadership, ministry, poetry, sleeplessness Leave a comment

Just finished my monthly neighborhood book club. My turn to host. My turn to facilitate. My idea what to read – 101 Great American Poems. The La Floresta book club had never traveled down this road before, poetry that is. I took a chance. I made the suggestion as much for my sake as anyone else’s. I have little patience for poetry. I have enough trouble taking time out of my busyness to ponder Scripture let alone pause over verse that makes me scratch my head.

The night went better than I thought it would. Among other things each of us shared a poem with which we connected. I learned a l0t about my neighbors. We laughed. We paused. We felt. We reflected. I think I will try to venture into this genre more often in the future for its various benefits. My choice to read? I learned, by the way, poetry is meant to be read aloud for a proper appreciation. I could have turned in numerous directions. It struck me how many poets, at least in this connection, wrote about death. I connected for obvious reasons.But this work by Vachel Lindsay (1879-1931) won the prize. Perhaps it was because I couldn’t sleep on Saturday night before a busy Sunday of ministry. I just identified. Occupational hazard.

Abraham Lincoln Walks at Midnight

(In Springfield, Illinois)

It is portentous, and a thing of state

That here at midnight, in our little town

A mourning figure walks, and will not rest,

Near the old court-house pacing up and down.

Or by his homestead, or in shadowed yards

He lingers where his children used to play,

Or through the market, on the well-worn stones

He stalks until the dawn-stars burn away.

A bronzed, lank man! His suit of ancient black,

A famous high top-hat and plain worn shawl

Make him the quaint great figure that men love,

The prairie-lawyer, master of us all.

He cannot sleep upon his hillside now.

He is among us:—as in times before!

And we who toss and lie awake for long

Breathe deep, and start, to see him pass the door.

His head is bowed. He thinks on men and kings.

Yea, when the sick world cries, how can he sleep?

Too many peasants fight, they know not why,

Too many homesteads in black terror weep.
The sins of all the war-lords burn his heart.

He sees the dreadnaughts scouring every main.
He carries on his shawl-wrapped shoulders now
The bitterness, the folly and the pain.
He cannot rest until a spirit-dawn
Shall come;—the shining hope of Europe free;
The league of sober folk, the Workers’ Earth,
Bringing long peace to Cornland, Alp and Sea.
It breaks his heart that kings must murder still,
That all his hours of travail here for men
Seem yet in vain. And who will bring white peace
That he may sleep upon his hill again?

Some days I hardly want even to be a pastor. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a president. Lord, have mercy on the Commander-in-Chief as well as the preacher.

The Power of Kindness

July 30, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: kindness, love, ministry, witness Leave a comment

I finished my day today with a visit to my atheist friend’s house in our neighborhood. Regretfully his wife is dying. Cancer has overrun her body, particularly her brain. Stupid disease. The extended family has camped out for the duration. Hospice has coached all concerned about what to expect. Her body is shutting down. It’s only a matter of time. Once again the the specter of death haunts my 2014, though not at my own doorstep in this particular situation. Sigh.

My wife found me a card this morning to express our sentiments. A small potted plant seemed an inadequate but at least well-meant token to present at the door. For thirty minutes I sat with my buddy with whom I have had numerous conversations about the gospel, at least to this point to no avail, along with his son, and just sought to be kind in loving my neighbor as myself and feeling the weight of their grief. At this point, having said just about all I think I can say in numerous lunches, I am banking on the power of kindness to carry the day in my relationship with this man, whether he ever believes in Jesus or not.

The apostle Paul extols the virtues of love in his well-known treatise on the subject in 1 Corinthians 13. As he begins to describe its qualities, he leads off in v. 4 this way: “Love is patient and kind.” While it seems some in my profession can occasionally forget it, and Lord knows I admit my share of failures in this regard, kindness as a virtue simply must characterize any pastor’s way of relating with others at every turn. Consider 2 Tim. 2:24 – “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone.” My sincere apologies to every one of you whom I have failed over the years in this respect.

As I was reading this evening a section of Alexander Strauch’s book, Leading with Love, I came across this illustration of the power of kindness. It comes from the life of St. Augustine who, in his book Confessions, testifies to the impact, even in his unconverted days, of the kindness shown him by the renowned preacher and bishop, Ambrose:

That “man of God” received me like a father and expressed pleasure at my coming with a kindness most fitting in a bishop. I began to like him, at first indeed not as a teacher of the truth, for I had absolutely no confidence in your Church, but as a human being who was kind to me (Strauch, 2006, 45).

My dear friend has little to no confidence in my church, that is to say, our beliefs. I pray his confidence in my feeble attempts at kindness may one day lead to an Augustine-like transformation in his life.

Someone has said “kindness is love in work clothes.” Let’s get to work.

A Most Noble Profession

March 8, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: cancer, care giving, nursing, profession, service, vocation 4 Comments

This morning, my duties, among other things, took me to a local hospital.

There I visited a woman who survived an intense back surgery the other day. She beamed with joy as she demonstrated her ability to lift her legs without pain, something she could not do a matter of days ago. I rejoiced to find her in such good spirits and such improved circumstances.

Turns out she used to be a nurse (including chemo for a while). We talked about her days on the job. We reminisced together. Not because I ever served as a nurse. But it just so happened that today marks the 9th anniversary of my tongue and neck surgery to remove a cancerous tumor that threatened my life. I shared with my precious sheep just how grateful I was for every nurse that cared for me, not only through my surgery, but also through radiation and chemo treatment. I never found one of them to be anything but patient and thoroughly devoted to their noble calling.

Not surprisingly, the nurse attending my recovering congregant greeted me upon arrival with a smile of her own. She was caring for Teresa even as I arrived. I asked her is she would be kind enough to inquire if it would be OK for me to visit. She assured me she would. Then she walked over to me and said, “We just finished talking about the importance of being equally yoked and now look who shows up, her pastor!” Clearly she shared like precious faith. Angels of mercy abound in this noble profession of patient care.

To every nurse on the job who cares for pastors, congregants, believers, unbelievers, and everyone in between, I/we thank you. Bless you for answering the call and assuming the responsibilities of this most noble profession that is nursing. We need you so much. Bless you for what you do.

Keep calm and carry on.

When Blooming Youth Is Snatched Away

February 19, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: comfort, death, grief, hymns, loss, youth Leave a comment

Few hymns bring me more comfort or more pause in our unexpected loss of our 35 year old son than this classic by Anne Steele, published in The Christian Hymn Book for the Sanctuary and Home (Dayton, Ohio: Christian Publishing Association, 1875).

When blooming youth is snatched away
By death’s resistless hand,
Our hearts the mournful tribute pay
Which pity must demand.

While pity prompts the rising sigh,
O may this truth, impressed
With awful power–I too–must die–
Sing deep in every breast.

Let this vain world engage no more;
Behold the gaping tomb!
It bids us seize the present hour,
To-morrow death may come.

The voice of this alarming scene,
May every heart obey;
Nor be the heavenly warming vain,
Which calls to watch and pray.

O let us fly, to Jesus fly,
Whose powerful arm can save;
Then shall our hopes ascend on high,
And triumph o’er the grave.

Great God, thy sovereign grace impart,
With cleansing, healing power;
This only can prepare the heart
For death’s surprising hour.

Resting on God

February 18, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: grief, loss, peace, rest, Trust 2 Comments

One month ago today my beloved firstborn, Josh, breathed his last.

Our lives have changed forever. Bereavement leave has come to an end. I’m back to my second week of work doing what God has called me to do. Each day differs. Some days I feel more productive than others. Mostly I feel like I just get by with the best I can do with the things that matter most. Support abounds. Comfort flows. Grief throbs. Grace suffices.

In all of the new normal, whatever that is, nothing better describes how I’m pressing through the Titanic ache in my soul than this Puritan prayer of old, from the Valley of Vision, entitled “Resting on God.”

O God, most high, most glorious, the thought of Thine infinite serenity cheers me, for I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed, but Thou art for ever at perfect peace. Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment, they stand fast as the eternal hills. Thy power knows no bond, Thy goodness no stint. Thou bringest order out of confusion, and my defeats are Thy victories: The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

I come to Thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows, to leave every concern entirely to Thee, every sin calling for Christ’s precious blood; revive deep spirituality in my heart; let me live near to the great Shepherd, hear His voice, know its tones, follow its calls. Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth, from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit. Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities, burning into me by experience the things I know; Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel, that I may bear its reproach, vindicate it, see Jesus as its essence, know in it the power of the Spirit.

Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill; unbelief mars my confidence, sin makes me forget Thee. Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots; grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to Thee, that all else is trifling. Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy. Abide in me, gracious God.

My Son’s Obituary

January 25, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: grief, Joshua, loss, memorial, obituary 3 Comments

No one should have to write such a thing. To every parent who has ever lost a child, my aching heart goes out to you.

For reasons of wise stewardship given the cost of newspaper obituary listings, Nancy and I have opted to publish this notice via my blog and the various social media connections to which it is linked:

Joshua James Heffelfinger, known to many affectionately as “Thee Heff,” age 35, of Orlando, Florida, passed away unexpectedly at home Saturday, January 18, 2014. Born January 28, 1978, in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, he grew up and lived most of his life in the Central Florida area. His first spoken word, “ball,” turned into a love for sports, including baseball, football, basketball, and bowling. Early on he got hooked on everything Star Wars and never lost his enthusiasm for anything related to the film saga. He graduated from University High School and earned an A.A. Degree from Valencia Community College. A career in the restaurant business started at Disney’s Rainforest Cafe and then progressed to over ten years of serving at Emeril’s Orlando. He successfully completed two of four levels of sommelier certification to enhance his knowledge of wines and increase his and others’ dining pleasure. He was rich in friendships, many of which he cultivated by frequenting Sportstown Billiards. Known for his charm and wit, his favorite quotation was, “A wise man speaks when he has something to say; a stupid man speaks because he has to say something.” He is survived by Curt and Nancy Heffelfinger, his parents, and Joel Heffelfinger, his brother and best friend, along with many other members of the extended family as well as a host of dear friends and acquaintances. A memorial service for Josh is scheduled at Orlando Grace Church, 872 Maitland Ave., Altamonte Springs, Florida, at 11:00 AM on Saturday, February 1, 2014. A light lunch will be served in the fellowship hall after the service. “The Joshua Place” playground for children fund has been established in his memory by Orlando Grace Church for construction on the church property. Tax deductible gifts can be made to the church in his name and sent to the church office or brought to the church on the day of the service. For more information call 407.660.1984.

Our deepest, sincere, and heartfelt thanks for the outpouring of support in the way of tears, cards, gifts, meals, calls, texts, emails, posts, and especially prayers. We feel rich beyond our wildest dreams in terms of that which, humanly speaking, matters most – the love and care of others.

Not Your Average Pastor’s Prayer

January 16, 2014 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: confession, ministry, pastors, prayer Leave a comment

Hand it to the Puritans.

They knew how to go for the spiritual jugular.

Introspective overstatement or not, I resonate with this so-very-different prayer of pastors on so many levels. It is a fitting prayer, in my estimation, for anyone ordained to gospel ministry. If Jesus did not pitch a tent of grace in my weakness, I would have closed down my version of pastoral ministry and became a Walmart greeter long ago.

O God,
I know that I often do thy work
without thy power,
and sin by my dead, heartless, blind service,
my lack of inward light, love, delight,
my mind, heart, tongue moving
without thy help.
I see sin in my heart in seeking the approbation
of others;
this is my vileness, to make men’s opinion
my rule, whereas
I should see what good I have done,
and give thee glory,
consider what sin I have committed
and mourn for that.
It is my deceit to preach, and pray,
and to stir up others’ spiritual affections
in order to beget commendations,
whereas my rule should be daily
to consider myself more vile than any man
in my own eyes.

But thou does show thy power by my frailty,
so that the more feeble I am,
the more fit to be used,
for thou dost pitch a tent of grace
in my weakness.

Help me to rejoice in my infirmities
and give thee praise,
to acknowledge my deficiencies before others
and not be discouraged by them,
that they may see thy glory more clearly.
Teach me that I must act by a power supernatural,
whereby I can attempt things above my strength,
and bear evils beyond my strength,
acting for Christ in all,
and have his superior power to help me.
Let me learn of Paul
whose presence was mean,
his weakness great,
his utterance contemptible,
yet thou didst account him faithful and blessed.
Lord, let me lean on thee as he did,
and find my ministry thine.

For more prayers of substance like this, consult The Valley of Vision: a Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.

More Blessed Than the Virgin Mary

December 14, 2013 By revheff in Personal Reflection Tags: Christmas, Mary, regeneration, spiritual birth 2 Comments

As a kid I loved this time of year for all the reasons most children do. My romance with Christmas followed me all the way into my teen years as well.

However, things took on a whole new perspective in December of 1972. On the 14th of that month in that year the wind of the Holy Spirit blew powerfully into my life. I was born again. Jesus saved me and has faithfully kept me now these forty-one years. I find the season all the more gratifying since with it comes my spiritual birthday and the anniversary of the gift of gifts, my regeneration and union with Christ. Thanks be to God.

I say without equivocation that this makes me and any other blood-bought child of God more blessed than the blessed virgin Mary. Don’t get me wrong. Her privilege in bearing the Son of God put her in a distinguished, one-of-kind category. The angel greeted her with tiding of her station with the words “Hail, favored one!” (Luke 1:28). Her cousin Elizabeth greeted her later in that same chapter with the words “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb” (Luke 1:42). Indeed. Who can even begin to imagine what it must have been like to travel Mary’s journey as the mother of Jesus?

That said, the fact remains, Jesus Himself made one thing very clear about the relative privilege between her station and that of anyone like me who belongs to Him by faith. I refer to Luke 11:27-28.

As he said these things, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, “Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts at which you nursed!” But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

I don’t think Jesus meant to dismiss outright the extraordinary responsibility embraced by His earthly mother. Rather He sought to impress upon His followers the enormity of blessing that comes with receiving God’s grace in salvation. No privilege remotely compares in this life with God’s tuning your heart to sing His grace and tendering your will to obey the Scriptures.

Jonathan Edwards put it this way:

Great was the privilege which God bestowed on the blessed virgin Mary, in granting that of her should be born the Son of God; that a person who was infinitely more honorable than the angels, who was the Creator and King of heaven and earth and the great Savior of the world, should be conceived in her womb, born of her, and nursed at her breast, was a far greater privilege than to be the mother of the child of the greatest earthly prince that ever existed. But yet, surely that was not so great a privilege as it was to have the grace of God in the heart, to have Christ, as it were, born in the soul, as Christ himself does expressly teach us.

From the depths of my heart this December 14, 2013, I rejoice by His grace to have God in my heart, Christ as my King, born in my soul, and pray humbly for that same grace to keep me for another year and for as long as I shall live.