Rule #2 for Fighting Well for Peace
Proverbs 12:18 warns “rash words are like sword thrusts.” Rash words in a heated conflict sometimes degenerate into name-calling. Contrary to the old children’s rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” being labeled with a pejorative appellation can in fact inflict deep wounds resulting in lasting scars.
My most recent posts have centered on rules of engagement for constructive conflict resolution within Christ’s church—pointed lessons from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7:1-12. Jesus insists we kingdom-types engage inevitable conflict constructively—negatively, three ways we must not engage (1-6); positively, two ways we must engage (7-12). So far, we have considered the first negative—engaging judgmentally. In this post we turn to the second negative—engaging hypocritically. Shockingly, perhaps, the Son of God resorts to name calling.
Avoid Engaging Hypocritically (vv. 3-5).
Check out verse 5. You hypocrite. Talk about scathing rebuke! You simply cannot overstate Jesus’s disgust. His drenched-with-hyperbole questions in vv. 3-4 accentuate how utterly outrageous he regards the monstrous inconsistency involved in this approach to conflict resolution. Why do you see? How can you say? You’ve got it all backwards. How dare you attempt so delicate an operation as eye surgery to remove a speck from your brother’s eye when you’ve got a two-by-six beam lodged in your own. Quit your playacting, hypocrite!
What to do? The answer comes in the rest of v. 5. First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Alfred Poirier, in his book The Peacemaking Pastor comments: “Before we can call another to account, we must first call ourselves to account.” British Pastor William Jay (1769-1853), in his masterful devotional work Morning Exercises for Every Day in the Year, elaborates:
If we are Israelites [believers] indeed, in whom is no guile, we shall be severe towards ourselves, and candid towards others. We shall see more evil in our own hearts than we can ever see in the conduct of our fellow-creatures.
Whenever I do a mediation, I always start with a conflict coaching session separately for each side. Invariably I give each the same homework assignment. They must fill out a two-column form. The header on column one reads “Log Inspection;” the header beside it reads “Speck Inspection.” It helps them to catalogue all offenses involved from the correct perspective and in the right priority. I also stress perhaps one of the most important principles I ever learned in my peacemaker training. You may only be 2% responsible for your part in the conflict, but you are 100% responsible for your 2%. Prepare to start the mediation meeting by extracting your own logs through humble confession before moving on to attempt speck surgery on your “opponent.”
Please don’t miss that Jesus presumes that sin-confronting needs to happen within the family of God. Some unfortunately misinterpret this passage that way. Ken Sande clarifies that it does not forbid loving correction; it forbids premature and improper correction. We need each other’s sanctified accountability to grow in Christlikeness. But Scripture demands we do so in a constructive, redemptive way, as required in Galatians 6:1: Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted (emphasis added).
Being spiritual starts with self-plank-pulling before ever attempting others-speck-extracting. Anything less makes one a hypocrite in the eyes of the One who matters most.