I was reminded in my journal from 8.24.05 of a source of comfort during the worst week in my treatment process.

I continue to get numerous cards. My mother has taken it upon herself to recruit friends and family to bombard me. Many encouraging emails too. Praise God for that. I do so long for the day when my life is returned to me. Having it held captive by cancer treatment is terrible. Lord, grant me strength to persevere. Again, I pray, send relief from these discomforts.

Never underestimate the power of a written note to encourage someone who suffers. Is there someone you could bless with comfort Hallmark style today?

D. A. Carson keeps heaping more thermonuclear fuel on my desire to pray through the flock.

There is no prayer we can pray for others more fundamental than this: that God might strengthen their hearts so that they will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father on the last day (A Call to Spiritual Reformation, p. 94).

See 1 Thess. 3:13, dear ones, and PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER!

I am remembering arguably the hardest time in my journey through cancer valley.

From my journal of 8.23.05:

The misery shows no signs of abating. Lord, have mercy. My tongue, mouth and lips are raw. I’m nauseous most of the day. The mucous is relentless. How long before the side effects give way and I find relief? O, Lord, grant me endurance. Grant me strength. I almost wept over the pain this afternoon. The taste in my mouth is metallic and bitter. To swallow a pain pill is necessary but always an effort for fear of gagging and throwing up. This may prove one of the longest weeks yet in the trial. Please don’t give me more than I can bear, Father. I’ve never felt affliction like this. How do people who live with it all the time survive. I at least have hope of relief. It can’t come soon enough. Guard my lips, O God, in this affliction.

I say, Bless you cancer, for multiple reasons. One is because 2 Cor. 1:4 is true. God comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I now possess pastoral compassion for those who battle chronic pain in a way I never would have known before. God uses suffering to make us better comforters of others in their affliction. The comfort that thought brings is not colossal during one’s trial but it grows in its significance over time as you see the Lord redeem it in the lives of others.

This from D. A. Carson in today’s romance:

Christian love, mature, deep, and unqualified, is a rare commodity. When it is displayed, it speaks volumes to a society that gorges itself in self-interest, lust, mutual-admiration pacts, even while it knows very little of love. Show me a church where the choir is known as the War Department, where people divide over evangelistic strategies or over the color of the carpet, and I’ll show you a church that has not been praying along these lines for some time [that the love of Christ would abound in its midst]. Conversely, we will see profound spiritual renovation if by God’s grace we make it our commitment not to put anyone down–except on our prayer list (A Call to Spiritual Reformation, emphasis mine, pp. 92-93).

Brethren and Sistren, love well by praying hard and only putting one another down on your Seven Day Prayer Directories and personal lists.

I preached on John 6:35 today. I am the bread of life. We had communion following the preaching of the Word and rightly so, particularly on this occasion.

This morning in my sacred romance with Jesus I read this on why the cross by A. W. Pink regarding Christ’s Penal Work:

As to why this means and method of death was selected by God out of all others possible–poisoning, stoning, beheading, etc.–Genesis 3 supplies the answer: “As the fatal sin which diffused the curse of the human race was connected with the forbidden ‘tree,’ God wisely ordered that the last Adam should expiate sin by being suspended on a tree; and He appointed in the Law (Deu 21:22-23) such a symbol of the curse as reminded all men of the origin of the Divine curse on the world. He would not have the curse removed in any other way.” Among the Romans, death by crucifixion was the the deepest possible humiliation. It was the most degrading of punishments, inflicted only on slaves and the lowest of the people. If freemen were at any time subjected to crucifixion for great crimes, such as robbery, high treason, or sedition, the sentence could not be executed until they were put into the catalogue of slaves, and that by the utmost humiliation. Their liberty was taken from them by servile stripes and scourging as it was done to Christ. Thus, the curse of God’s Law was executed upon the Head and Substitute of His people. To “preach Christ crucified” (1 Co 1:23) is to proclaim and expound His being “made a curse for us.”

I wanted to read this before the Table today, but ran out of time. I never made the “tree” connection before. It made me sing When I Survey the Wondrous Cross with a deeper layer of insight, devotion, and wonder than ever before.

Someone raised this question recently in preparation for our upcoming congregational meeting. Why don’t we regularly applaud whoever sings the offertory? We do occasionally but it is rare when it happens.

D. A. Carson has some helpful insight on the question on page 88 of his book noted below.

Applause used to be unknown. Then it came to be deployed after special music. Now it is sometimes heard punctuating sermons. This is, I think, a regressive step. True, some might consider this to be a kind of cultural equivalent to a voiced “Amen!” I take the point, and would not want to introduce new legalism by banning applause outright. But the fundamental difference between “Amen!” and applause must be noted: the “Amen!” is directed to God, even if it serves to encourage the person who is ministering, while applause in our culture signals approval of the performer. God is left out, and the “performer” may the more easily be seduced into pride. This is one of several ways by which the rules of the entertainment world have subtly slipped into corporate worship and are in danger o destroying it from within.

That about sums it up.

A Call to Spiritual Reformation is a worthwhile read.

Four years ago today marked a milestone as noted in my journal from 8.22.05.

Home. They let me go last night. It’s over. Treatment is finished. TBTG. They took the 5FU IV out at 8:45 after 128 consecutive hours. No wonder I feel like c _ _ p. Sores on the inside and outside of my mouth. Red inflamed skin in the cheeks and neck area. Mucous galore. Nausea. Some vomiting. I can hardly talk. I told Nancy yesterday AM, “It stinks being me today.” But by God’s grace we got through. Hopefully from here on in things can only get better. I wonder how long it will take to recover.

Fortunately I didn’t really know, or I might have despaired.

So what we need, then, is a prayer life that thanks God for the people of God, and then tells the people of God what we thank God for. D. A. Carson

After I read that from the man’s book, A Call to Spiritual Reformation, I sent an email to the one deacon in our Seven Day Prayer List at OGC that falls in the Friday section and did just that.

PEOPLE OF GOD, LOVE ONE ANOTHER BY PRAYING FOR ONE ANOTHER. GIVE THANKS FOR ONE ANOTHER AND TELL ONE ANOTHER WHY YOU GIVE THANKS TO GOD FOR ONE ANOTHER.

Eye has not seen and hear has not heard what kind of church we will be if we take this call to pray through the flock faithfully EVERY WEEK! As the Nike people say, JUST DO IT!

If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.

C. S. Lewis

Four years ago today I endured a four day, 24/7 continuous infusion of a chemotherapy drug called 5FU. You can read about this nasty little devil here.

This from 8.19 through 8.21.05 in my journal from that year.

It was a long day yesterday. A lot of lying around. I got up for one walk. Came back and threw up. Vomited a total of three times yesterday. The 5FU is definitely getting to me. So grateful I am not doing radiation. It’s a week today since they burned my tongue. it’s feeling somewhat better but is still sore. Yawning is quite painful and mucous is still a problem, but not as bad. The doc thought I looked ten times better on this round. He was very upbeat.

I am weary of this journey. So much mucous. More vomiting and nausea. These last four days seem like an eternity. Oh to keep the perspective that we are trying to save my life. It’s a brutal path. I was weak and tired much of the day yesterday. I slept a lot. Man, it has been a long haul. Lord give me mercy to persevere. Seems like my secretions have gotten worse, thanks to the extended chemo. Taste is all weird again. I can’t wait to get to the other side.

The last day. They hung the final bag of 5Fu last night. I should be finished and free to go home some time tonight. What a relief. It has been miserable. Mucous, mouth pain, nausea, vomiting, sore face. This stuff is so toxic. I just pray it is doing its job and killing any cancer left in my body. I long for relief. Jesus have mercy.

Often times I felt so sick I could only summon one prayer.

Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

It was enough.