A VIEW FROM THE HOSPITAL (2)

February 20, 2016 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , 16 Comments

Five Life-Changing Lessons from Major Surgery

My docs teased me last night with the possibility of discharging me today. No such luck. Just as well. I don’t want out of Camp Jackson South until we can stay on top of pain at home. So, another day in the hospital. And, as promised, part two of yesterday’s post.

vastly improvedThe Lord has graciously given me five lessons so far from “Operation Robojaw.”  With them come wisdom responses so as to make the most of the opportunity and not waste the sorrow. Two down; three to go.

Lesson Three: How Proud & Self-Reliant I Still Am

Hospitals humble a person. Big time. You have so little control. And you can need so much help. You lose all dignity–though I’ve fought hard to minimize my number of “Dancing Henrys.” Think Jack Nicholson in Something’s Gotta Give.

But some personal matters just go flat-out public in ICU. Thank God my nurse was male! More than that, I rediscovered once again my self-reliance idol. Pure pride drives me to think I can do whatever all by my lonesome. Trauma surgeries get you in touch with that arrogance fast.

Response? Remember the example of the Lord Jesus. Facing His darkest trauma outside Gethsemane He took three of His band of brothers to watch and pray with Him (Matt. 26:36-46). He needed their community in the furnace of the cup.

I know only one way to escape the gravitational pull of pride or any other sin issue. I must drench myself continually in the gospel river of the One who humbled Himself (Phil. 2:8).

Lesson Four: How Meaningful & Refreshing a Visit Can Be

Please understand. I’m in Miami–Kendall–to be exact. I can see Cuba from here. That’s over 250 miles from my home in Orlando. And yet every day but one on this delightful little healing assignment visitors from my church have fought the traffic and spent precious time, not to say gas money, to come see me–even in ICU where I could barely talk.

Just today two other brothers camped out for a few hours–even did my laps with me around the floor. I get what Paul felt when he wrote: But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus (2 Cor. 7:6).

Response?
Never underestimate the significance of hanging out with someone in distress. You too can be an Onesiphorus (2 Tim. 1:16).

visit

Lesson Five: How Powerful & Necessary the Prayers of Others Are

Now I know that. Pastors preach that. But this week again I came to treasure it all over again. Paul boasted this confidence from prison in Phil. 1:19–for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance.

Not for a moment would I try to minimize the degree of difficulty associated with this week. But the prayers of God’s people from all over the country and even other nations–thank you Hungary!–have played a huge role in my light speed recovery.

Response? Build a community of relationships, especially in your church. Pray for one another, particularly in trauma. God hears and answers. To Him be all the glory.

Question: What help has served you well in surviving some trauma. You can leave your comment here.

A VIEW FROM THE HOSPITAL

February 19, 2016 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , 11 Comments

Five Life-Changing Lessons from Major Surgery

Perhaps “major” doesn’t quite capture it. What a war on Monday! Eight hours on the table. Resection of my right mandible plus extraction of three teeth. Insertion of a titanium plate affixed with screws. Twelve inch arterial-vein transplant from my left thigh to my neck creating a “free flap” blood supply both inside my mouth and out. This ordeal made my cancer surgery feel like a day at the ballpark in comparison.

icuYou know you’re feeling better when your thoughts turn to blogging. Much improvement has occurred. The docs say things look fantastic. If I remain on track, they may ship me home on Sunday. Sweet. How come Stryker doesn’t manufacture hospital beds for guys over 6 foot?

Traumatic experiences like prolonged hospitalizations make marvelous tutors. Not that I would volunteer of my own will, anymore than I did for my cancer disaster. But God uses these things in strikingly effective ways to instruct us along the way of shaping us more and more into the character of His beloved Son, our older Brother, Jesus (James 1:2-4).

Today the Lord crystallized five lessons so far from this jawful ordeal for me.  With them come wisdom responses so as to make the most of the opportunity and not waste the sorrow.

Lesson One: How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made We Are

While one of the residents cleaned the question mark-like looking incision on my thigh this morning, I asked him this: Doc, I’m a theist. I believe God put parts in every place for specific reasons. What happens down there with those twelve inches now doing duty neck-side? He answered this way: Redundant systems. The body has ways of compensating. Peripherals (I think that’s what he called them}. take over for them. No wonder David spoke of the human body the way he did (Psalm 139:14).

Response? Worship and wonder at the goodness of God in your creation. Give thanks for your working parts and God’s healing power built into the body.

Lesson Two: How Frail & Mist-Like Our Lives Are

I gave serious thought to the prospect of not waking up from that surgery–at least not here. Nancy received a letter from me to guard her shalom should I have gone home. Obviously His purposes proved otherwise for now. But walking these halls–they had me up the next day–seeing some of the other patients on life support, well, it sobers you to say the least. James said it well:  What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes (4:19).

Response? Take no day for granted. Give thanks for the new breaths you draw first thing every morning. And, like James, acknowledge that your plans will only materialize according to His gracious will, so be sure to say your share of “If the Lord wills” (James 4:15).

I’ve hit the wall. This patient needs some rest. Lessons three through five will have to wait for tomorrow, Lord willing. No big deal. Plenty of time to kill at this place on a Saturday.

Question: When have you gotten some significant insight from a traumatic experience? You can leave a comment here.

GUARDING YOUR HOME’S PEACE AFTER YOU’RE GONE

February 13, 2016 By in Peacemaking Tags: , , 7 Comments

Living-Will

Forgive me if this seems maudlin. Nobody enjoys thinking about his death, let alone documenting every wish.

Just the same, moments ago I finished doing that very thing in a letter to my wife. I plan on giving it to her on Monday morning just before they wheel me away for “Operation Robojaw.”

Let’s face it. Nobody’s next second, let alone day is guaranteed. Pushing 64 years of age with an eight hour procedure ahead of me means I’d better go here.

My main motivation? Loving my bride well. Perish the thought, but she will have her hands full with grief. Why further jeopardize her shalom by failing to take responsibility for this myself?

Here are five things you can do in advance of your earthly demise to guard the shalom of the household you leave behind:

  • Prepare a living will. What in the world are you waiting for? This one is a no brainer.
  • Specify what you want done with your remains: burial, cremation, cryogenic freezing. Whatever. For a decent treatment of the burial vs. cremation question check out Cremation Confusion.
  • Write your spouse a letter to be opened only on the occasion of your passing. Warning. Should you do this and I hope you will sooner rather than later, keep the tissues nearby. Tears will come.
  • Tell your beloved the best of your heart’s affection. Then get after the business of detailing what you want done with your most important stuff. My list turned out pretty short. You know what they say: you can’t take it with you.
  • Write out a draft order of worship for your memorial service. My document runs from prelude to postlude. It contains the songs I want sung, the people I want to speak, the music I want played and the players to play it. I am a demanding so-and-so. I have even given Nancy instructions for a memorial fund in lieu of flowers.
  • Get the thing witnessed and notarized. Don’t leave any doubt as to the legitimacy of the document.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a death wish. But I do resonate with Paul when he writes, “I am hard pressed between the two–depart to be with Christ or remain in the flesh (Phil. 1:21-24). I get it. When it’s my time–precious in God’s sight as it is (Psalm 116:15)–I’m the only one to gain.

I fully expect to survive. Lord willing, “Operation Robojaw” will be a smashing success. If not, I’ve got peace that I’ve done my part to help guard the peace of the one for whom I care the most.

Will you?

Question: What have I missed? Can you think of any other helpful items to add to my list? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

THE ABCs OF ROBOJAW SURGERY PRAYING

February 12, 2016 By in prayer Tags: , 25 Comments

Three days and counting.

Sunday after church Nan and I will drive to Miami where we’ll stage for my surgery on Monday morning. What a terrific encouragement to have so many folks praying for me and the ordeal next week holds!

Some have asked in specific just how they can pray, so I shot the following video to share my ABCs of prayer for “Operation Robojaw:”

 

 

Question: What strategies have you used to get through major surgery, if you’ve ever had to hit the table for any length of time? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

THE POWER OF QUESTIONS IN PEACEMAKING

February 11, 2016 By in Peacemaking Tags: , , 2 Comments

20_questions_1954

This morning I shared with Nancy, my wife, my struggle over choosing a killer title for a prospective post.  After a brief pause, she said to me, “Babe, do you think it’s safe to go there?”

I’ve learned the hard way to listen up when my bride ventures her opinion. That writing idea went home to be with Jesus in a hurry.

However, our exchange got me thinking. My wife’s approach reminded me of one of the most effective strategies do-your-best peacemakers can employ for preserving unity at home, work, church, or anywhere for that matter.

I’m talking about the power of asking questions. King Solomon wrote, The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out (Prov. 20:5).

In all my years of doing peacemaking, I’ve never known any tool more effective for drawing out someone’s heart than that of asking skillful questions. When I wade into a conflict, inevitably I ask a ton of them.

Here are five categories of peacemaking power questions to make you a better guardian of oneness in all your relationships:

Category #1 EXAMINATION QUESTIONS

Many thanks to David Powlison at CCEF for his effective word picture for examining ourselves. In any peacemaking encounter you must start first with assessing your own motives. He lists a number of these in X-Ray Questions: Discerning Functional Gods.

My favorite? What do you want, desire, crave, lust, and wish for? Effective peacemakers remove any logs from their own eye before they ever attempt surgery on specks elsewhere (Matt. 7:3-5).

Category #2 COMMUNICATION QUESTIONS

We could cover a bunch of these. Let me give you my favorite. What did I miss? Around Orlando Grace Church our members hear me say this rather often: Never underestimate the capacity for communication to break down.

Humility dresses itself in the assumption that I may have somehow failed to get the right message (1 Pet. 5:5). Give that benefit of the doubt up front and watch peacemaking barriers fall.

Category #3 SUGGESTION QUESTIONS

These can take any number of forms depending upon the issue. The point is simple: instead of declaring a judgment, ask a question. My wife has mastered this art over the years. This morning she could have hammered me with, That’s a terrible idea!

But she would have accomplished only one thing—the opposite response she desired. Nancy ventured a question to engage me rather than put me on the defensive. Man, does it pay to marry a Matt. 10:16 woman!

Category #4 PERSUASION QUESTIONS

This may count as the money question for the peacemaking toolkit. I use it all the time. Help me understand your greatest concern about _____ ?

Just the other day it came in handy with my mom. We had locked horns over an issue for a while. After broaching the subject another time, I asked this very question with all the 5th commandment respect I could muster. I drilled down to the interest driving her position. She admitted it to me and we were off and running to a solution.

I have blogged about this essential aspect of peacemaking elsewhere. I cannot overstate the importance of its efficacy in reaching agreement with others when positions clash. Scuba dive beneath someone’s stance to discern their major interests.

Category #5 MEDIATION QUESTIONS

As with the other categories, questions helpful in assisted peacemaking take on many forms. One of my favorites resembles my persuasion question. In mediation I tweak it like this: What’s the worst thing that could happen if this deal doesn’t turn out in your favor?

James targets passions at war within us as the source of conflicts and quarrels (James 4:1). Wise mediators labor to dig deep into opponents to root out the heart idols stoking their passions.

Do you desire to excel as a preserver of peace in your relationships? Master the art of asking questions and watch your skills rise to a whole new level.

Question: What other questions have you discovered make you a better peacemaker? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

 

84 YEARS AND 84 THANKS

February 7, 2016 By in Marriage & Family Tags: , , , 2 Comments

84th BD

Two things drive this post, both from God’s word.

One, honor for the aged (Lev. 19:32).

Two, never neglect to say thank you (Luke 17:11-19).

My father turns 84 today. The whole gang celebrated yesterday at Kettles’ Castle in Melbourne. We had a blast. Three words say it all: Chocolate Avalanche Cake. Well, we enjoyed other sweet aspects of our time together, but good gracious that bad boy rocked!

When I first considered the concept for this post, I said to myself, Heff, you’re insane. Dad means a lot to you and the rest of the sibs, but do you really think you can conjure up that many specifics? Easier than I thought. See for yourself.

Happy Birthday, pops!  I want you to know that I thank you on this, your 84th birthday, not necessarily in any particular order, for the following:

  1. Giving me your name (Yes, the man adopted me). Nothing common about my handle.
  2. Keeping your wedding vows to my mother all these decades.
  3. Taking me to my first Phillies game at Connie Mack Stadium. Remember? We sat on the third base line.
  4. Losing all that sleep when you let me drive the Vette to the prom.
  5. Treating me no differently from your own kids.
  6. Rarely, if ever, losing your cool.
  7. Humbly admitting your faults like you did at our last family meeting.
  8. Willingly participating in family meetings even when it means constructive input.
  9. Joining me at a Harlem Globetrotters game at The Spectrum.
  10. Pulling off the vacation of a lifetime with that two-week RV trip out west.
  11. Giving new meaning to the word “frugal.”
  12. Coming to my plays–even all the way up to Penn State.
  13. Insisting on the 2/3–1/3 college payment plan.
  14. Listening to me preach now and then.
  15. Working your tail off to provide for the family.
  16. Not disowning me when I quit PSU against your wishes.
  17. Having the guts to throw me out of the house (see #16). For the record, I deserved it.
  18. Taking me back into the house after I wised up a tad.
  19. Reading my book on peacemaking when it gets published. Don’t you love the presumption?
  20. Allowing for our personality differences.
  21. Being able to fix just about anything.
  22. Putting those gadgets in your ears.
  23. Supporting me through seminary.
  24. Helping Vista Church purchase a video projector.
  25. Contributing generously to the Joshua Place Playground.
  26. Helping me negotiate the deal for that orange VW Beetle.
  27. Encouraging me to marry Nancy.
  28. Wearing a tux at my wedding (see #26).
  29. Not forcing me to ride a dirt bike.
  30. Tossing the football with me in the yard.
  31. Caring deeply for all your children.
  32. Never using sarcasm with me as a put down. Well, there was that one time, BUT REALLY, THAT WAS IT.
  33. Doing the grocery shopping.
  34. Single handedly driving up Aldi stock.
  35. Same for Steak & Shake (see #34).
  36. Making a killer pizza.
  37. Keeping fit in spite of #36.
  38. Caring about the science behind claims.
  39. Opening your home to others. Think cousin Howie. That took guts knowing that wild and crazy but hugely lovable character!
  40. Giving generously to your kids when you make a killing in real estate.
  41. Permitting me to omit Formula 1 from my list of personal passions.
  42. Being there at the hospital for my cancer surgery.
  43. Making wise investments to benefit our family.
  44. Persuading me to go to Penn State.
  45. Supporting my call to pastoral ministry.
  46. Caring about your grandchildren.
  47. Never shaming me for my lack of athletic ability even though you have always been a jock.
  48. Letting me run the attic fan on hot summer nights in the Berwyn house.
  49. Getting me the job with GE one summer assembling modular homes.
  50. Never, ever whining.
  51. Listening to me whine.
  52. Having the courage to make huge decisions–like relocating cross country–twice.
  53. Letting me fish off the MI house dock. Remember those two huge drum I caught that day?
  54. Teaching me to change the oil in my car. For the record I go to Jiffy Lube now.
  55. Always ending our phone calls with, “Love you, man.”
  56. Attending my graduations.
  57. Showing patience through my battle with CFS.
  58. Not Baker Acting me for moving to the Idaho wilderness.
  59. Saying “No” to my request to take on a paper route. What in the world was I thinking?
  60. Coaching me through the torture then known as the new math in Mr. Donnely’s 7th grade class.
  61. Not rolling your eyes that grading period in high school when I flunked gymnastics (see #47). Hated gymnastics.
  62. Making conversation more important than watching TV when I visit.
  63. Springing for the vacation of a lifetime at Green Acres in the Catskills. What was a nice Gentile family like ours doing in a place like that anyway?
  64. Teaching me to drive a stick shift.
  65. Letting me drive the Mercedes when I got my license (see #64).
  66. Never calling me stupid for failing back then to appreciate #65. Man, I’d love to own that rig now!
  67. Never tooting your own horn. You really are a humble man.
  68. Sending mom to help with the newborns.
  69. Respecting relational boundaries.
  70. Listening attentively. I’m amazed at your self-discipline in not interrupting others.
  71. Being a man’s man.
  72. Giving me hope about that other mansion we talked about one day not too long ago. I keep praying.
  73. Being the motor head all motor heads everywhere envy.
  74. Recording the family history.
  75. Modeling extraordinary perseverance.
  76. Quitting driving when the time comes. More presumption. I’m counting on you for this, Pop.
  77. Doing any project the right way or not at all.
  78. Making me help build that stupid wall at the Berwyn house. BUT NOT FOR HAULING THOSE RAILROAD TIES!
  79. Always being yourself.
  80. Not holding grudges.
  81. Having a living will.
  82. Not giving me a middle name (see yesterday’s questioning around the table–really, I’m not upset about it).
  83. Reaching 84.
  84. Not expecting me to do this again when you hit 104.

Love you, pop. You’re the best!

Question: With apologies to those who have no positive memories about their dad for whatever reason, for those who do, what is something you admire most about him? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

WHEN SERVANTS COME AND GO

February 6, 2016 By in church Tags: , , 2 Comments

Yikes-So-many-people-are-leaving-the-church-1206x678

And they do, don’t they?

When people move on from our churches for any number of reasons, it can take its toll on a lot of things, including the unity of a fellowship. Not too long ago our own body experienced what seemed like an inordinate number of transitions. It can leave us sad, especially if we felt particularly close to so-and-so. It can even lead to resentment, if it seemed to us that a family left for not so good a reason. Worst case scenario it can discourage so greatly that we find ourselves tempted to withdraw from the community thus adding further threats to the peace.

The loss can be palpable.

Comfort and perspective on this score abound in 2 Tim. 4:9-18.

9 Do your best to come to me soon. 10 For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. 11 Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. 12 Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus. 13 When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments. 14 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. 15 Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message. 16 At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them! 17 But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Paul writes from death row. He experienced a degree of relational loss which defies the imagination. You are aware that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes. All who are in Asia? Really? Good grief! Which of us can claim that much pain from abandonment?

Comfort Insight #1

Gospel partnerships matter—a lot. Can you feel Paul’s sense of urgency. Do your best to come to me soon. He needs Timothy badly, just like we need one another.

Comfort Insight #2

Gospel defections hurt—a lot. Paul longs for Timothy because Demas bailed on him. Some worldly tractor beam locked on and lured the man away. How is this a comfort? In my experience, normally God’s servants move on for mostly reasonable or at least relatively benign reasons. Fortunately we don’t often feel the sting of wholesale defection from the faith. When it does happen however, it can crush us.

Comfort Insight #3

Gospel assignments change—a lot. Paul’s “who’s who” near the close of his version of a last will and testament reads like a Rick Steves’ travel log. The record shows servants moving all over the Empire. Here’s the deal. The sovereign God moves the pieces on the board according to His own good pleasure for His own good purposes in His own good timing (Psalm 115:3). We bow the knee and cover our mouths that we not sin with our lips.

Comfort Insight #4

Gospel reinforcements compensate—a lot. Paul sees in the changing landscape of partners a choice opportunity to bring John Mark out of the missionary doghouse and back into the battle (Acts 15:36-39). Very useful for service, he calls him. We’ve already seen God add some choice additions to fill critical posts at our church. We can expect more just as we can expect even more departures. God is good on both counts.

Comfort Insight #5

Gospel transitions galvanize—a lot. Or they can. When servants came and went, good reasons or bad, Paul testified that the Lord stood by Him at every turn and gave him strength. What a testimony! If the comings and goings of God’s people in our churches prompt us to draw nearer to Jesus and the strength He supplies, then we’ve gleaned something very good from that which often hits us very hard.

servethechurchHas your church recently undergone some redeployment of its most valuable resource—people? Look to the Lord to stand by your side and give you strength. And double down on your community commitments with those servants His good grace permits you to retain. They need you more than ever.

But bank on this: He will bring choice reinforcements in His own good time. Until then, He gives and takes away; blessed be His name.

THE DILIGENT COMMITMENTS OF PEACEMAKING

February 3, 2016 By in Peacemaking Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

StriveI use and choose the word diligent carefully. It’s all about those first three words, make every effort in Heb. 12:14. The ESV translates the Greek, strive. It means to run after something or follow someone. Luke 17:23 uses it literally where Jesus warns His disciples about the danger of following after false teachers. The commentator Matthew Poole cast it as a fierce, unwearied, constant pursuit.

It makes for a fitting synonym for a huge word in Eph. 4:3—eager to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. In Hebrews 12:14 it functions as the main verb, a present tense command—continually, keep on striving—and, as such, colors three commitments the writer prescribes as necessary for us to run the race with endurance (Heb. 12:1-2). The three commitments are—peace with all, holiness before God, and care of believers. In this post, I want to address just the first.

Commitment #1: Peace with all (14a). Make every effort to live in peace with everyone. Remember that this letter was written to persecuted believers in the first century. They were largely Jewish people who had left behind their Old Covenant ways. They had decided to follow Jesus as members of the New Covenant inaugurated by His death on the cross and resurrection from the dead. Dr. Donald Barnhouse used to say: Hebrews was written to the Hebrews to tell the Hebrews they were no longer to be Hebrews.

The writer sent the letter to exhort them to go the distance—make the finish line as followers of Jesus, their great High Priest (Heb. 8:1). Persecution, even of the most extreme kind, does not take the church and her people off the hook from pursuing the blessedness of the peacemaker (Matt. 5:9).

What’s striking in my mind in this verse is the scope of the call to peacemaking—with everyone. What does he have in mind? I think everyone means just that, everyone, even our persecutors! Why do I say that? For one thing, the way Jesus taught in Matt. 5:44-45.

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Consider as well the way Paul taught in generalities in Gal. 6:10: So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith (emphasis added). But note also how Paul exhorted in specifics related to peacemaking as a way of doing good in Rom. 12:18: If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all (emphasis added). He simply allowed for no exceptions in calling us to peacemaking.

Richard Phillips, in his commentary on Hebrews, cites a story related by Watchman Nee in order to illustrate this point:

A Christian who had a rice field on a hill had to hand-work a pump to bring water up from the irrigation stream that ran at the base of the hill. Beneath him was a neighbor who made a hole in the dividing wall so that when the Christian tried to pump water into his field it drained down into the neighbor’s. The Christian became understandably frustrated at this repeated theft. Consulting his Christian friends he asked, “What shall I do? I have tried to be patient and not retaliate. Isn’t it right for me to confront him?” The Christians prayed, and then one of them noted that as Christians they surely had a duty to seek more than justice for themselves, but to live in such a way as to be a blessing to others. Armed with this advice, the Christian pursued a different strategy. The next day he went out and first pumped water into his neighbor’s fields and then went on to do the additional labor for watering his own fields. Before long, this procedure brought the neighbor out to ask why the Christian would act in this way, and as a result of the relationship that ensued the neighbor became a Christian himself (p. 556).

Even the persecuted church has peacemaking commitments incumbent upon it as it runs the race set before it, nothing short of peace with all. How much more do the diligent commitments to peacemaking apply to us who enjoy so little in the way of costs for our faith here in the west?

Have you omitted someone from your peacemaking agenda for whatever reason? You may want to reconsider their oversight in light of the all/everyone scope so painfully clear in a passage like this.

After all, if you are a Christian, even when you were His enemy, Jesus made very effort to make peace with you (Rom. 5:10).

THE LATEST ON NANCY’S FIGHT WITH CANCER

January 29, 2016 By in Personal Reflection Tags: , , , , , , 9 Comments

NancyA natural-friendly MD Nan now sees in Lakeland advised from the get-go that she have a full-body PET scan. I remember them well from my own cancer journey back in ’05. This will give us a baseline from which we can determine how things progress over the course of treatment.

She had the scan this past Tuesday. Her OB/GYN called us in to review the findings just this very morning. I wish I could post a more encouraging report. The results showed that my beloved lost ground over the last few months. The disease definitely has spread. Nan asked me to divulge no greater specifics than these given the sensitive nature of anyone’s health history.

What does this mean now that we’ve got a clearer picture of her condition? Beyond one move for certain, we don’t know just yet what the Lord would have her do. I respect my wife for the patient processor that she is. She will definitely talk with the Lakeland doctor today for his input. The additional move for certain involves her getting a medical oncologist on the team. Her OB/GYN enthusiastically consented to my suggestion that she refer Nan to the medical oncologist who cared for me way back when. The personal relationship we have with Dr. G will serve things well in terms of helping Nan weigh her options. Once a direction comes into focus I will post further updates as necessary.

How are we doing? Good question. I think Nancy is sorting that out for herself; I feel a bit numb at this point. Of course we continue to covet the prayers of God’s people for His purposes to carry the day at every turn on this roller coaster ride. The emotions ride higher than usual in January as it brings each year another anniversary of our son’s death back in 2014. These latest developments challenge the emotions all the more. Through it all I keep asking the Lord to anchor us in a Job-like grip on reality. Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked shall I return (Job 1:21a). Mike Mason captured it well:

Job knew one of the great secrets of faith: the believer in God has no worldly rights. The true believer is someone who has abdicated all rights, freely accepting the status of a slave and no longer laying claim to any earthly chattel, whether it be “houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields” (Matt. 19:29). These are precisely the sort of things that Job has just lost, and yet his initial response to their loss is not bitter complaint, nor even mere acquiescence, but adoration (The Gospel According to Job, Crossway, 37).

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

THE CHURCH IS NO CRUISE SHIP

January 24, 2016 By in Peacemaking Tags: , , , , 3 Comments
THE CHURCH IS NO CRUISE SHIP

cruikseship

Cruising.

Never imagined I would do it. Then a buddy of mine who loves me more than I deserve made me an offer I simply could not refuse. “I’ll pay your fare for a weekender; you buy Nancy’s.” What’s a pastor to do? After all, the brother attends my church. No way I wanted to give offense.

It only took that one time. Sold American. We’ve cruised two other wonderful times in the past. The last-minute deals made for a terribly cost-effective vacation. Talk about the pampering treatment. From the moment you board to the day you disembark, the staff waits on you hand and foot. Your every need gets met 24/7.

So why go on about vacationing on a boat in a pastor’s blog? Blame it on Tara Klena Barthel and Judy Dabler. For researching my book-in-progress, The Peacemaking Church: the Best Church Fight Is the One Yours Never Has, I’m reading through those ladies’ book, Peacemaking Women: Biblical Hope for Resolving Conflict (Baker, 2005). Spot on stuff. Would love for the women of my church to get their hands on this valuable resource.

In their chapter on the church, the authors use the analogy of the cruising experience to describe how some folks view church. They frame it as looking to the church to meet our felt needs. Do that, they argue, and expect trouble for sure in the fellowship:

Church conflict escalates when we look to the church to meet our felt needs and something happens to disappoint us. For example, a common cause of conflict in the Peacemakingwomenchurch involves the mind-set many people have that church is like a cruise ship. When we have this view of the body of Christ, we expect everything in the church to be conveniently tailored to our wants and desires. Our expectation is that we will be served, cared for, and entertained by professionals whose sole focus is our happiness. Of course, this misguided mind-set leads us to view people in the church as resources for our comfort rather than valuable members of one body who both need us and are needed by us. As a result, we neither love nor serve them well. In fact, when our expectations are disappointed, we engage in destructive gossip, criticism, and bickering. Instead of keeping careful confidences and protecting members, we often speak ill of others. Church conflict–a terrible witness to the watching world–is the frequent result (209-210).

If you’re looking for a great vacation and can catch just the right deal, then you may well want to consider taking a cruise.

If you’re looking to do church in a way that eagerly preserves the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:1-3), then lose the cruise mind-set fast. Arm yourself rather with a body-mindset where members have the same care for one another  (1 Cor. 12:25b).